Surviving

Well.... you can tell by the amount of pictures I took this week that it was pretty uneventful around here.

We have the winter/baby tied-down-blues. But we'll get back out in the world again.

The boys had Monday off so Michael took them to a butterfly garden an hour south, plus a Red Robin lunch on the way home. Asher and I stayed home and had some nice quiet house time together.

Walking or driving the boys to school is such a to do. If it's walking, it's three pairs of boots and coats and hats and gloves and back packs and masks, plus time the baby's feeding and bundle him up and get him situated in my carrier and then get him warm, then get me warm, then get us out the door for a snowy walk that normally takes me 6 minutes but with all kids in the snow takes me 17 one way. Camden refuses gloves or takes them off and then cries because his hands are cold and won't walk through the snow unless I'm holding his hand, and twice this week I didn't do my wrap quite right so I had to keep a hold on Asher in the wrap and couldn't hold Camden's hand very easily, then he fell down one day and wanted to be carried and it took us 25 minutes to walk home while I just repeatedly told him I couldn't. SOO then we drove on Friday and getting all of them in four car seats and out of 3 car seats when we get home feels just barely even easier. And once I'm done I time it all again for 3 hours later, then time it all again for 3 hours later, and it sounds like nothing if you haven't been there and it makes for the most ridiculous of days. I asked Westin if I could homeschool him for just the rest of first grade and he was 0% interested in that. I can't blame him, but I do think it sounds like such a better day and better use of time than what we're doing.

Asher hit two months yesterday! He has a doctor's appointment this week to see how he's growing, I have one this week to see how I'm healing, and honestly I think we could both be doing a better job at those... He still fits in the clothes we brought him home from the hospital in, which I've never had a baby stay that small for that long. And I feel like I am not healing well inside and I hope beyond hope that it's just a slow recovery and not a recovery that will need some assistance. I've been reading all about hernias this week and feeling so discouraged.

So, not an exciting week over here and not our brightest of times. We fight too much. We all feel antsy. We're tired of Covid. It feels like winter just started even though when Christmas ends is when you feel done with winter. We're not sleeping enough, we're not talking kindly enough, we're not enjoying each other as much as we should. Just the real talk over here. The salt in all these wounds was the night this week when a smoke alarm went off at 3 in the morning which then set off our main BLARING house alarm, which has gone off twice in its life, reminding us that the previous owners accidentally left us the wrong code for that alarm and we can't disarm it. So it was blaring for minutes, and miraculously none of our four boys woke up and it happened right in the middle of one of Asher's longest stretches of sleep. It reminded me of when the SWAT team woke me up during Westin's first long stretch of sleep in Manchester Village in Indiana, and Michael was so intrigued and invested in the neighbor situation and I was just bitter beyond belief that the SWAT team had to choose THAT NIGHT to involve themselves.

Sleep is important.

We need something to look forward to, which might be a Yellowstone trip but we're trying to figure out if the timing will work. We'll see. I just know we'll look back on this stretch and think "Oof, remember that..." and I don't want to label it all as that. I want to have better days with each other. Asher is the absolute sweetest and the brightest part of everything for me right now. His smiles really melt my heart, which is needed between what feels like constant nagging for help and pleading for quiet. :/

Here's to getting through January and February!

Camden was committed to this burger.

Tummy time has always been hated by all my kids.

I made zucchini baked oats this week and was obsessed with them.
Eating them each day was what I looked forward to on all my walks to school.
Put some almond creamer and fruit and peanut butter on there and it's dessert!

Bundled.

"I'm gonna make some pages for your next book!"
Haha sweet Bennett boy. We did his reading book together every day this week except Saturday and he's doing great.

Feeling this.

When you obviously didn't mix the batter enough....
Flat, semi-flat, and fluffy.
These "lactation" cookies are basically a less guilty feeling chocolate chip oatmeal cookie that I'm obsessed with right now.

 

Here we go, 2022!

The time warp between Christmas and New Year!

We finally got snow in Fort Collins. We spent the week doing puzzles and legos and lite brites and all the other fun things that came on Christmas. We had peaceful moments and heartbreaking contentious moments. We had days at home and the older boys had a museum day with dad. The times I am at home with Asher just the two of us feel like absolute treasured moments.

I loved seeing Westin's "year in review" filled out that I printed for him. Favorite things he did in 2021: go to a cabin with all the Daetwylers, and ride a sheep. Biggest accomplishment: 7 monkey bars. 2022 goal: all the monkey bars. I love this kid.

Bennett has such focus. Watching him do his Lite Brite and seeing how proud he was of his first creation was super joyful and sweet. He and Camden have been playing together so much. That equals lots of laughs and lots of screaming. Does wrestling ever end well? Asking for my future.

Camden slept through the night a few times. Last night was not one of those times. I find myself counting down his toddler days but then his cute moments make me feel guilty. When you go into his room in the morning, or after nap time, or during nap time to tell him to take a nap, or during the night to tell him to stop screaming... you're always met with "Good mOOOOrning mommy!" And it does soften your heart a little, but more in the actual morning. If Michael tries to go in a different room than Camden we usually have about 2 minutes before he frantically says "Where daddy go! Where daddy go! DADDY!" Michael should know better by now than to attempt such things.

Asher has some pretty ok nights and some very newborn-y nights. I think my blog posts sound like I'm obsessed with sleep right now. That's because I'm obsessed with sleep. When we get it, it's a much better day. 

New Year is one of my very, very favorite times. Fresh starts and goals and carrying good things from the past year and seeing how much changed or was accomplished the last few months. It's such a hopeful time.

I put Christmas away so much earlier this year. I felt like a lot of people posted about putting it away early too. I think we were all ready to get into this new year. I can't believe we're coming up on two years of Covid and all that it has come with. I remember distinctly thinking in March 2021 "are we really going to have to stay home three whole weeks? It's going to be that long?" Oh wow :) I feel so, so grateful to have the vaccines we've had since then and that my kids have been able to have them too. There were extreme fires south of us this week that wiped out neighborhoods. That's one of those things that you think could never happen to you. But the people who lived in those houses felt that very same feeling. Life can change so fast and I'm so grateful for my boys. 

He wanted me to take a picture every time it changed colors :)

Reading by the fire -- it was cold this week!

That Christmas overwhelm when you're mid-putting away

Phew.

Clean slate.

My neighbor brought me this plant and I just love it.
You don't water it or do a thing for it and the bulb sprouts and I'm so excited for it to blossom.

This sweet boy.
Don't let him fool you, he hates being put down anywhere :)

Garbage truck spotting

Oh Westin. I love you so much,
and I want to help you through all your big feelings.

Sweetest.

The boys played in the snow so much on Saturday! Shoveled all morning with Michael.
Kept playing. Shoveled with our neighbor in the afternoon. Kept playing. 
Went sledding with Michael.

Hot chocolate time!
Such a messy treat with kids haha.

Camden hasn't mastered putting his feet by the fire...
we were all cracking up so much.

Christmas 2021

Merry Christmas!

We had a sweet simple Christmas at home together. The days leading up to it were a nice break from needing to get the kids to and from school. Westin and Bennett played really well together, and fought really well together... :) They always seem to need to get back in a groove together when the have a stretch of time of not going to school. I love when they're home.

Michael had Thursday and Friday off. Katie brought her boys up on Thursday and we made gingerbread men and snowflakes and had soup for lunch outside in unseasonably warm weather. The boys have so much fun all together. On Friday we went on our first out of the house adventure and took the boys to Sing 2. I really don't want to take Asher anywhere during this RSV and Covid season, but we found a theater with roomy spaced out seats and I nursed him 100% of the movie and he had a pretty cozy, protected outing. Camden was the harder to handle little man during the show... he wasn't too entertained during the more emotional scenes and was mostly there for the snacks and songs haha.

Christmas Eve was sweet together! Honestly it feels like we're just getting by right now, but all things considered, I feel like we're doing well. The crazy hits Michael and me harder at different moments, and then we tell each other how they won't be so little and exhausting forever and we'll miss parts later. We had salmon on Christmas Eve and roast beef on Christmas and no one really liked Christmas dinner haha. We haven't ironed out solid food traditions around Christmas quite yet, but we do always do a sausage and egg casserole for breakfast with cinnamon rolls. Sally froze some cinnamon rolls when she was here for Thanksgiving and I was so grateful to pull those out and not make a batch this Christmas. We walked toffee around to some neighbors on Christmas Eve as well and I'm so grateful for our sweet neighborhood.

The boys were so excited about Legos on Christmas. I texted my sister that I can't wait until we have kids who are old enough to just chill and do a puzzle with me and not need to be out of the house to not be crazy all the time. Then that afternoon Camden and Asher napped at the same time and I did legos with Westin and Bennett for an hour, and it was just so joyful for me. They were so much fun and loved doing that with me and Michael so much, and I just realized my dreams are closer than I realized and there are moments of what I need already to be had right now if I just recognize them and breathe off the stress of crying babies and screaming toddlers :) We just need more sleep. But we'll get it someday.

Westin loved that Santa ate cookies and that he brought a kid kayak. I LOVED Westin's self-illustrated and written Pete the Cat and his Wonderful Christmas book that he made me, plus his cute calendar that the First Graders made together. He's a thoughtful gift giver and I love him for it. Bennett was so excited to open his Daniel Tiger book and both boys loved their fighter jets from their Walker cousins.

I love having a Sunday after Christmas to watch our church service full of songs and have the crazy behind us and just take a pause again to reflect on the why of all this season. I cried every time I watched or listened to Far Away by the National Parks, especially holding Asher during that song and knowing this is my last little Christmas time baby. A newborn by a Christmas tree is as close as I get to Jesus in this world, I'm pretty sure. Just the sweetest feeling.

We're looking forward to another week with the boys home and more Legos to build :)