Finding Our Groove

We have successfully kept Westin happy and healthy for his second month of life, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished. He's a tall, growing, smiley boy and we love him more every day! It still shocks me that we are his parents though. I think hard about that fact for a few minutes each day still. Crazy.

This boy is tall. With a big head. His weight is down to the 50th percentile, but head and height are still rocking it at the 97th. When I hold him in my arms I'm amazed at how much of him there is. There's just so much baby! I thought he'd be tiny, and I thought he'd stay tiny for a while. How wrong I was.

I am in love with this little bundled up face. We don't take chances with this crazy winter. This last Sunday was our first time going to all 3 hours of church and we just barely took his first trip to a store. Target, naturally. He will grow to know that place well, I'm sure.

You might look at this picture above and think that Westin hates his stroller. You'd be right... Unless I put him in his carseat and then attach that to the stroller so that he's facing me. He totally digs that. For a little while, if he's sufficiently full and rested and bundled. We've been going on walks on days that the sun comes around for a little while, and it is good for my soul. I've never been more ready for spring than this year, I'm sure of it. And it hasn't even been a bad winter... I just have never been quite so cooped up, mild winter and all, so we are looking forward to warmer days and many more outings.

Westin's main love in life is that pacifier. This kid just loves to be sucking on something all the time, and I am just grateful for the inventor of the pacifier because if it wasn't that we all know what the alternative would be. And I would just about be going crazy because that almost already happened, even with the pacifier involved. 

Probably the most unflattering picture posted on my blog to date up above, but, it has to be documented. This kid just loves taking his naps on someone. It's adorable, until it's slightly claustrophobic. I've been trying hard to put him down in his crib more, but that only gets about a 20-minute nap out of him, while if he's laying on me he'll be content for 2 hours. Luckily this is not true at night, where he somehow magically decides he loves his crib and sleeps about 7 hours in it. The past week he has gone to bed at 10, woken up at 4 and fallen back asleep when I put his pacifier in, then up to eat at 7. No complaints with that schedule, please stick around.

This is Westin's best friend Miles, four days apart and seriously handsome guys. I'm going to love watching them grow up together during our Indy time!

Westin's first trip to the store felt like a big event. I only needed two things, but he was content and I was out of the house so we made like 20 laps of Target just because. And we can all safely assume that more than two things were purchased, yes.

Sometimes it looks like Westin flexes his muscles when he gets done eating. I like to think that's his way of saying, "Thanks mom, it's working. See?" But he came out strong already so I'm just working on maintaining... I will always remember his pretty violent behavior while living inside me. Those arms packed a mean punch and nothing has changed. Strong little guy.

His changing table is right by a window on our second floor, so he gets pretty excited about the world up there. 

And his two-month photo next to Delta Doggie, my favorite little childhood puppy. His arms are in a constant blurry state because he's always doing this shaky thing with them; it kind of looks like he's in a constant fear of being dropped? Poor little guy. No drops yet, we're doing good. 

I just love this little man. Having him around has been a major adjustment but he's worth every hard part of it all. I'm so happy to watch him learn and grow and keep finding his personality. Last week I turned in my notice at my job and decided to stay with Westin full time. That is a big change, but I'm so grateful for the chance to be with Westin while he grows up. He's already my little buddy.

First Weeks as Mom

Well, it's been a while. I feel a little buried by the transition into motherhood, and this blog post is me coming up for air. We're getting the hang of things over here. Westin and I are getting to know each other a little more every day, and I'm trying to figure out this new role of mine. It feels like a total shift - everything is altered these days. My routine, my body, my way of thinking, my priorities... it's a long list, these alterations. There's good and there's bad and there's just so much unknown. But if I don't keep this little blog space of mine going, then that means I let the changes swallow me, as a favorite blogger of mine described. So, I'm back, with intentions of consistency. It must be a new year's thing.

This is Westin and he is already so different. I look at this newborn photo of him, with his little hand where it always always lies, and I just try to comprehend this little person. He's here, with his own destiny and his own purpose and his own life to live. And I'm the mom. I try to wrap my mind around the whole concept every day still, who knows how much of it can really ever sink in.

People ask who he looks like, and I just think babies look like babies. But there are moments he looks at me with big eyes and a thinking face, and I instantly think of my dad. He just reminds me of him, somehow. It has happened so many times that I suppose he must look like him to me, though it's not a nose thing or an eye thing or a feature of sorts - he just, brings my dad to my mind a lot.

And look how much he has already changed. It's crazy what happens in six weeks and what will keep happening, forever. Time goes by so incredibly fast amid those hours or days that you think are dragging. Overall, it really flies. I think I was my mom's baby not too long ago in her mind. And now I have this tiny guy, and he'll be big and grown so fast, too.

That's why I hung this sign in Westin's nursery, above his crib. It says "Enjoy the little things." Because that's what I want to do, even amid nights of hardly any sleep or moments of big messes or feelings of inadequacy. I just want to enjoy the little things - little Westin, or little moments, or little glimpses of eternal perspective. I know I'll cling to them later, so I want to fully enjoy them now. 

He'll take a nap for three times as long if I'm holding him than if I put him down somewhere. At first it frustrated me. But this sign above his crib has helped me time and again to just sit back and soak this in, soak him in. I know there are days in the very near future that I will just wish he will let me hold him like this, but he'll be too busy. So I'm enjoying it now. I won't have this baby Westin forever, the one who wants to sleep as close to me as possible.

It's so fun to watch his eyes as he watches everything. It's all being seen for the first time. I just wonder what it looks like to him, and what goes on in his little developing mind. He has a bright-eyed stare that looks like he's soaking up the world.

He has a pretty cozy set up when we venture out of the house. Between freezing temperatures and rampaging germs, this winter baby gets seriously bundled up. It's adorable to me, and so satisfying to just zip him into a cozy space and completely control his surroundings. He might be in the world, but I can still protect him from most all of it. Just for a little while.

I did not anticipate the transition to motherhood to be so hard. It's joyous and beautiful, but so hard. His birth was so emotional for me, and the double-recovery that followed really hit me. Then add nursing to all of that, and I became kind of panicky and claustrophobic off and on. Then there's the guilt for feeling panicky and claustrophobic -- it has been a roller coaster over here. I'm so grateful for a mom, sister, and mother-in-law that stayed with me through those first few weeks. Nothing has ever left me so physically and emotionally drained than those first four weeks of being a new mom. But after that point, I felt like I finally gained a better perspective. Life is different now, and a different kind of hard, but it is full of new meaning and potential. I'll find my groove. Westin and I will figure this out. And we're going to enjoy all the little things along the way.