Doubt Your Doubts

We spent a rainy weekend watching this. That happens twice a year for us, and it is far and away the most relaxing two weekends of my year - more so because of the words I hear and love I feel rather than the sweat pants I spend my entire weekend wearing. But the sweats most definitely play their role.

Sometimes words are spoken that resonate completely and significantly with every listening person. You almost feel it, that collective resonance. On Saturday, I felt like that happened with this simple sentence:

Those are strong words. Maybe because even the strongest of people need to hear them. Sometimes we turn doubts into something to hold onto. Some sort of rock that we think provides strength because it pushes against something we thought we knew to be true, something we had faith in. So you size up this new doubt and realize that if you stand behind it, it can be quite effective. You no longer have to face what you knew. You just stand there, letting that doubt stand there taller than you, and you begin to believe it is solid.

But doubts are not made of anything lasting. Faith is forever. Truth is forever. I believe that questions are important, and they deserve respect. I believe that people with questions are important, and they deserve respect. But building a question into a doubt, and purposefully leaning on that more than faith, will not lead to happiness. Doubting faith before doubting doubts is intentional, and will not ultimately lead to true understanding. 

So, doubt what you don't know before you doubt what you know. These words are so true across the board, right? 

What if they were applied to every person in your life? Doubt what you don't know about them (assumptions about motives, circumstances) before you doubt what you know (they are a child of God, they deserve love, there is something you can do to make them happier). 

What if it was applied to how you think about yourself, and your abilities? Doubt what you don't know (what if taking a chance doesn't work out? What if I can't do it?) before you doubt what you know (I am a child of God. There are things working together for my good. If I do my best while following the Lord, things will work out. I know enough).

That really is the key. We don't know everything, but we know enough. So why is dwelling on what we don't know better than dwelling on what we do?

It's not.

Especially in a world like ours.

There were plenty of other wonderful things about this weekend. But the almost palpable effect this simple sentence had just really struck me. And it seems like now more than ever is the time to focus on simple truths, rather than complex questions and doubts.

So with two inches off my hair, and two days of messages from living prophets, I'm just feeling a lot lighter over here. And that's a cherished feeling.

How to: DIY Painted Moroccan Wall

We have a tiny kitchen, and a tiny budget, but I still like pretty things. So, I found some inspiration and got to work on my very bleak and blank canvas that was our kitchen: a DIY Painted Moroccan Wall.

Disclaimer: I started this project in January (yes, January), before this pattern started showing up everywhere. On everything. So maybe I'm ahead of the times, maybe I'm super trendy... but mostly I just kind of feel like one of the slowest painting members of the masses. Dang it. 

But we love the wall and that's all that matters. So here's the breakdown of the painting experience:

I knew I wanted something busy that could be the focal point of the kitchen, because it's a large blank space with not a lot of furniture coverage. I considered stripes, but I'm trying to kick my addiction. Or at least cut back. So after finding the Moroccan pattern, I knew it would be just what I was looking for.

First I painted the wall with two layers of a satin finish light grey. Menard's did a great job matching my chosen paint sample to their cheapest brand of paint, making it $14 instead of the brand name $35. Apparently my natural taste in paint is expensive. (Also in boots. See my last post.) Sigh.

After giving the paint plenty of time to dry, I gathered my small set of supplies. All it took to make the Moroccan design was: the smallest size can of white paint with a gloss finish (I wanted contrast against the satin), a paintbrush that was the width of the line size I was going for, a pencil, a level, and this free printable stencil, traced onto cardboard. I already had everything but the paint, so the total cost of the design: $3. I had thought about doing wallpaper or even saving money by wallpapering with gift wrap, but I just couldn't refuse doing the whole project for just $3. (And soooo many man hours, but I have a lot more of those than dollars at this point in my life.)

Then, the stencil process started. At first I contemplated only doing five lines of shapes down the wall, about one third of the way in, so I started there in case I liked the look of it. I held the stencil in the middle of the wall vertically, then worked up and down from there - I checked horizontally and vertically with the level every time I traced the stencil shape. Then, once I had connected the shapes from ceiling to floor, I painted along the outside of the line using the width of the brush for consistency. After finishing just a few lines, I knew I wanted to paint the entire wall.

Each line had to be double coated for the right color, and it took me 45 minutes almost to the second for every vertical line. That's why it looked the way it does in the picture above for quite a while...half-finished. I took lots of breaks when it came to getting this wall done. My hours between getting off work and going to bed just somehow disappear? So I just took my sweet time with this :)

During the painting process, we found a new dining set and kitchen cabinet from Craigslist land. I loved the lighter wood but I felt like the wall started to overshadow all the other blank space in the kitchen. Plus, our old black curtains kind of sucked out the happiness that the cute busy wall brought in.

So, I found some floral material on clearance to make into smaller curtains, and just used $4 tension rods from Bed Bath & Beyond in the window frame, rather than the heavy hardware that used to be above the doors. I lined the middle shelf of the cabinet with the extra floral material to match, and lined the other shelves with a striped material for contrast. I love the mix of patterns with matching colors - it turned out better than I planned, because I never really had a plan :) That's the beauty of depending on Craigslist and a small, small budget!

Here's our kitchen, before and after. I can't believe how long we lived with that empty blank kitchen. Moving in is such a process. Or else I'm just really slow and indecisive when it comes to decorating...can't be helped.

From start to finish, painting this wall took almost exactly 24 of my life's hours. A whole day. I'm feeling totally ok with that - it has brightened up that kitchen every day since I [finally] finished it! The curtains were my first and hopefully last sewing project for this apartment. I have never learned how to sew very well, so it gives me anxiety. But lining the shelves with material, I can handle that! Considering no sewing is involved, and I used sticky tack in case I get sick of the material :) I know the way I like to change things around often, so I can't make things too permanent.

Except for the wall. That wall will be a Moroccan wall for the rest of its life, even if I have to pay the next tenants to let it live. Since the wall pattern cost a total of $3, I think I'm ok with that.

Utah Time

I've had a secret for a couple months. And there were times it was ALMOST given away (dad...), but luckily, it never was. After suffering slightly from SpringBreaklessness (it's a thing), I decided to use some miles and head home to Utah for Mother's Day. That day was also my sister's birthday this year, so it was a good weekend to be home. I only told my dad and my sister-in-law, and they worked out the weekend.

I flew in late Thursday night and surprised my mom the next morning. It was hilarious - she was totally confused. I was supposed to surprise Ali that morning too, but she ended up driving up to Lehi late Thursday night and found me sleeping in her bed. So I gave her a half-asleep really-disoriented "surprise" and she was completely confused as well. But, still, a good time all around.

First things first when back in Utah, right? Los Hermanos, people. I miss that place like crazy. I don't know why cheese enchiladas are my favorite food, but they are. Melted cheese wrapped up in a corn tortilla - it's the best thing you can get. My birthday meal every year. And that salsa, mmm. We haven't found a mexican place worth going to twice yet in Indiana...still on the look out. Gotta be here somewhere. 

Whenever people ask me if I miss Utah, I tell them I miss family and mountains. We are having so much fun in Indiana, but I have been surprised by how much I crave looking at, driving up, or hiking around mountains. So while I was in Utah, we all hiked to Battle Creek Falls. It was perfect weather, and it felt so good to be surrounded by people I love, and mountains I love, too. Perfect combo. 

Little Lewis is growing up quick! Already teething. And smiling lots. And trying hard to sit up for long-ish periods of time. It's fun to watch Jaren and Lydia interact with their cute baby brother. 

We all caught Iron Man 3 one night, I was glad Logan could get off work in time! He missed a lot of the week's festivities, so that was sad. I'm sad I didn't see you more that weekend, Logan! If he ever decides to read his sister's blog, he'd know that. Brothers. Up there ^^^ is a little movie theater photo op. I miss being a student.

On Mother's Day I took a mini-road trip with Ali and my parents to Deseret, UT. My grandma (and plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins) live there, and I love that place. Plus, I'm always up for a road trip! We stopped in Provo and looked at the new temple being built in place of the Provo Tabernacle. It looks awesome right now - up on stilts and going through a complete renovation. It will be beautiful.

Mountains, you guys. I need them in my life.

We had so much fun seeing family in Deseret that day. We wished my grandma a happy Mother's Day, and it was so good to see her. I have countless memories of running around her house, watching her make homemade rolls, playing in her dress up clothes, making scones with her, and just listening to her hum while she cleans and writes and reads. I love that woman.

We went back up to Lehi so we could have a combined birthday celebration that night for miss Lydia and Ali. Lydia was in heaven with all things girly - bracelets, a fluffy dress, pink summer shorts...that girl is a girl, through and through. Ali opened a bike pump and a fun Thai dish to serve rice. And Reese's ice cream cake all around. Good, good day.

It was a pretty quick trip, but I loved every minute! I left on Monday afternoon to head back to Indiana land. But not without a Cafe Rio fix in the airport first. And to avoid my typical airplane headache I took Excedrin and Diet Coke before each flight. Genius move, people, and it meant that I finished this book, almost finished this one, and walked a good 2.5 miles on my layover. It's safe to say that caffeine gets to me. Thanks for the great weekend, family! I love and miss you!

Conference Weekend

We loved watching LDS General Conference this weekend. It started out on the highest note of all when they announced that my sweet home town, Cedar City, is getting its very own temple! I can't describe how happy that made my heart, instantly. Cedar has been hoping for a temple as long as I can remember (along with so many other places across the world), and my brother used to even say that he wouldn't get married until it was in the Cedar City temple. I'm sure that seven years of marriage and three kids later, he's glad he didn't stick to that goal. My parents drove by the temple site between conference sessions, and they said there were plenty of other people with the same idea. I am so excited to see what the Church does with their 23 new acres in the best city in America! (I'm not even biased.)

After a six-month break from our last Popsicle stick table experience, we went back to our conference activity of choice and started on number two. One Popsicle table is never enough, right? 

We're over halfway done, and I gave myself the same deadline I gave my kitchen wall. Spring has instilled a fresh determination in me to finish projects around here...(so I can start new ones). :) But to be honest, out of the things we built this weekend, that is not what I am most excited about...

THIS is a sneak peek at the new PANTRY we finally put together in our kitchen. We have had a cereal box/granola bar corner thing going on since we moved in, and it was almost starting to feel like that's a normal thing. But after checking Craigslist almost every.single.day since October-ish, we finally found the one. It was a big moment. Especially because it came moments before we were about to buy a pantry that was more expensive, poorer quality, and from not-nice people. It isn't fun to give money to not-nice people. So, stay tuned for pictures of a kitchen with clean corners, coming soon. I know you're on the edge of your seat.

p.s. THIS was my very favorite talk from Conference this weekend. You can read, watch, or listen to the talks online if you missed any. Or dozed off a little. No judging here...we have some definite Saturday afternoon catching up to do.

Visitors

Our tiny guest is back. And this visitor had some visitors yesterday. They thought he was just about the coolest thing ever. He thought they were huge and stressful. Like I said, we think he's afraid of life...poor thing. 

Our little cat is better off knowing this tiny guy doesn't exist...their brief meeting taught us that much. So she just chilled outside during this visit and had a picnic. Thomas kept running from the puppy's bed to our back door to look at the cat, and back to the puppy. It further convinced me that our house is a zoo. 

Maybrie insisted on sharing her doll with little Chase. He seemed semi-interested, maybe because the doll is his same size. She loved petting him and she almost loved holding him. Our house has never been so fun! Normally kids come over and look around in desperation for a toy...and they don't find one. We are the boring couple around these parts.

Once Chase settled down from his eventful day (back to just minimal shaking), we gave him some space and a treat. I think they're one in the same for that one, actually. Then kitty came back over, looking slightly suspicious... but I distracted her with laundry:

She makes laundry a little more fun. Lot more fun. Ok laundry still isn't fun. vine.co/v/bIPA2XXBuWK

— Maddie Daetwyler (@MaddieMDae) April 3, 2013

Tiny Guest

This was our little visitor this week. So.tiny.small. His name is Chase, and he's a teacup poodle with an out of town owner. He's a cutie, but I mean....so tiny small? He did a lot of sitting and shaking at our house, because I think he's basically scared of, well, life. Poor thing.

Maybe that's because he and Kitty met for a brief second and it was no bueno, at all. Kitty turned into a fierce hissing monster, and Chase ran circles around me so fast that I just feared for his tiny heart. But, I grabbed Chase, Michael herded Kitty out the door, and all is well. 

But due to our Spring Break Snowstorm, we felt bad leaving Kitty out all day...so we put them in different rooms and prayed we'd come home to two animals alive and well.

We did. Hallelujah. I mean, if sitting and shaking is well? 

Poor little guy. I didn't know we were so scary...? He's coming to visit again soon, so maybe with less cats and more time alone he won't be as bothered. Come visit us. Maybe you're less scary than we are.

And I find it funny that in an apartment that is technically not allowed to have animals, we are slowly developing a children's petting zoo. It goes well with our bedroom greenhouse.

A {late} New Year's Post | 2012

I almost decided it was too late and too daunting to do a little year-in-review post.

Then I thought, wait a second...2012 was a pretty.big.deal. The biggest yet.

So, scratch that decision - we're doing this. Ready for a rewind?

My first full month of being engaged to THIS guy. 

He proposed to me after picking me up from the airport from a trip for work,

right before he went home to Indiana for the holidays. I was one happy girl.

I flew to Indiana after Christmas and had so much fun spending New Year's with his family.

We went on a date to St. Louis during that trip,

and ate dinner with a beautiful view of the arch.

I remember feeling so happy and at peace and more than ready to marry this wonderful man.

After the holidays, we went home to wedding plans,

Michael's last semester of school, and my job at Imagine Learning.

It was such a fun time. I loved living with Logan and Jenny's family SO much.

Here's a snapshot of one of the many memorable Family Home Evenings we spent with them. 

We still eat pizza on Mondays to carry on their little tradition. 

For some reason I just like eating pizza knowing there's some pizza-eating going on in Lehi, too.

February was the busiest, craziest month at my job. I loved it.

We had a conference in DC at the end of the month,

and it felt so good to be back there. I love that city.

 I visited Ali in Boston before going back to Utah,

and we had a blast.

We watched the Super Bowl, gave Toby Keith a chance (mistake),

ate all our favorite Boston foods, and just loved seeing each other.

Then it was time to get back to Lehi, and spend time with these cute kids.

At this point we found out that we were Indiana-bound come July,

so I was soaking up my time with them.

February marked the start of the pinwheels...

Oh we just made SO many of these for our wedding reception.

I am forever indebted to Michael and my sister-in-law Jenny.

Pretty sure none of us got anything out of all four sessions of General Conference,

but those pinwheels kept us awake, at least.

We.made.so.many.

And February 2012 marked the best Valentine's Day yet. 

Michael and I passed each other on University Ave in the morning,

dropping off little surprises on doorsteps and desks.

Everyone at my office passed out Valentine's, and we had a pink breakfast.

It was the best love day so far.

 March was FULL of wedding prep,

and I'm pretty sure poor Michael almost burned all those pinwheels.

The only thing that got us through stuffing all those invitations

was the promise of a Sammy's burger and shake after.

I started getting a little nervous about the whole marriage idea,

(it's a big big deal,)

but then something would always remind me how completely 

excited I was to be with Michael forever.

I drove that I-15 stretch from Provo to Lehi and Lehi to Provo WAY too many times that month,

WAY too late at night on WAY too little sleep. It was great.

 My sweet friends at work threw me the most colorful and thoughtful bridal shower.

It was so fun to spend eight hours a day with them. Best part of my job.

 I took a lonely trip to Philadelphia for work,

but eating every meal at Reading Market and spending time

with the author of this blog definitely brightened things up.

And my boss at work taught us all how to make a pie.

So Jenny, Lydia, Jaren and I ate it outside on the porch,

and life was just so good.

Michael graduated on April 20th, and I was so proud of him.

He spent so much time helping me with all sorts of wedding things,

but he still managed to be the smartest kid at BYU. I'm sure of it.

Then the VERY next day, was a beautiful spring morning...

and we were married.

For all eternity.

It was perfect, 

and I am so grateful for every single thing (and person) 

that led us both to the Jordan River temple that day.

We had such a party after. 

It was the most incredible feeling to have SO many people we love in one room,

for such a happy, happy occasion.

Heaven is going to be such a good time. That's what I learned that night.

Our families made that day so beautiful. We are so grateful for them.

And I am so grateful for Michael. 

You guys, he danced that night like it was his favorite thing in the world.

It was the best.thing.ever.

I replay that in my head so often,

nothing makes me smile faster.

(And IF you want to replay it in real life,

you can come to my house and watch the DVD. 

We maybe shouldn't tell Michael though?)

I felt like our reception was 8 minutes long,

I was just so happy and loved everyone in the room so much.

Then suddenly, we were running through sparklers and we were outta there!

 And away we went to Mexico.

We went from the busiest, craziest month,

to absolutely nothing to do but see how many pina coladas we could drink in one day.

(A lot.)

Danny and Diana sent us parasailing for our wedding present,

which was SO nice of them. We both loved it.

(Michael definitely loved it more than our paragliding experience...)

That week was so wonderful. And considering it's just 19 degrees outside my house right this moment,

I think I'll just keep thinking about Mexico for another two hours.

We flew from Mexico City to Amsterdam. ? 

I'm sure the airport was convinced we had drugs on us.

We met Michael's parents, Rachel, Katie & Ryan there,

loaded up our bikes, and explored the tulips.

It was so beautiful there. Windmills and water everywhere,

and we just could really get used to that carefree feeling that comes after weddings and graduations.

And I could really get used to eating Kinder bars every day.

We loved being there with Michael's family.

Even in the moments when it hurt to sit on our bikes,

or anywhere else for that matter.

Luckily those 20-40 mile bike rides each day were pretty much 

as flat as you could hope for, so we could keep up with Michael's parents.

They were much better at training for that week than we were...

Thank you, Daetwylers, for those great memories! 

And the motivation to get on our bikes more :)

We came back to Utah for just a short couple months,

and we loved that brief time of two full-time jobs and lots of time to play with friends and family.

My aunt Tanya married her best friend Dan in May, 

and my family was thrilled for her. She's one of the best people I know.

Then after three weeks of being married,

I left for a few days to go to Texas for work.

Michael missed me. And I missed him. And I never knew Texas could look like that.

When I got back from Texas,

we got to work on our Utah to-do list.

We had to fit in all our favorite things before Michael left for school!

My beautiful friend Jaclyn married Mark in June,

and I loved that we were still in the same state for that sweet day.

She was my random roommate my freshman year in Heritage Halls,

and we just loved each other from the start.

We lived together for three years at BYU,

and I learned so much from this girl. Mark is one lucky guy.

 We took a red-eye flight straight from Jaclyn's reception,

to meet Michael's family in Florida.

Michael has driven down to Florida once a year his whole life,

and I love all his stories from those trips.

We loved being there with our cute nieces and nephews,

and spending time with Michael's family. 

He spent the majority of that time playing "ninja" with his nephew,

but I think he liked all the other parts, too.

 Right after Florida I went to my last conference for Imagine Learning in San Diego.

That was a bittersweet trip...bitter because I was so sad to leave my job,

and sweet because look at all the cupcakes I ate while I was there.

Sprinkles, you guys. I had to.

I even went on a solo date to Wicked one night,

and felt like the luckiest girl.

Logan and Jenny had pizza night and Family Home Evening in Provo land one night,

and Jaren and Lydia loved the duck pond. It was so fun living close by.

We went to one last show at the Hale to see my friend Deb,

before she left town to make it big in NYC. I know her guys. Let it be known,

before she gets super famous and you don't believe me.

And then for one weekend Michael and I pretended we knew how to be parents,

and we took Jaren and Lydia to Cedar City while their parents visited Ali in Boston.

We don't know how to be parents.

But, we're a pretty good time, so I think we'll be ok.

Right after we unpacked our first little tiny home,

we packed up our first little tiny home.

So sad, right? But I loved it there, and we'll always remember it.

Michael left early in July for Indianapolis,

to start dental school. 

His mom was SO nice to help take our stuff and drive with him to Indiana from Utah.

So, recap: in our first three months of marriage,

we spent more than three weeks apart.

It kind of felt like we were doing the whole marriage thing wrong.

 I stayed in Lehi for two more weeks with Logan and Jenny,

to work one last conference in Provo for work. 

This was our yearly conference where all our off site employees come to Utah for a week.

I was so glad I could say goodbye to everyone before leaving.

My company had a barbecue up the canyon that week,

so Jenny and I brought her kids and their friends to it.

You can see that Kamden was all about the candy explosion,

but Lydia had some serious anxiety about the blow up slides.

I was even there for Jaren's birthday during those two weeks,

so that was really lucky!

This Spiderman boy just loved turning five.

Then I said a sad goodbye to these two and their family.

Thank you, cute Miner family, for taking SUCH good care of me last year!

Then my sweet parents drove me yet again to the Vegas airport.

We have taken that route together quite a few times,

which always involves good talks during the stretch of road that I can actually stay awake on.

Then I landed in our new home, Indianapolis!

It was so good to be with Michael again,

but it sure felt surreal to land in a city for the first time knowing that you live there now.

We spent a lot of time that month putting together our new apartment,

and driving around getting Craigslist finds. 

Oh, and I ran out of gas. And didn't know where I was.

And...ok, the transition was a little rough. But now it's funny, right?

I still refer to it as "the time that the truck broke down,"

and Michael tries to tell me that nothing is actually broken when you forget to put gas in a car.

Whatever. I'm in a better place now, and the gas gauge hasn't gotten the best of me since.

My sister quit her job in Boston this year, 

to start the Speech Language Pathology grad program at BYU.

We planned from the day she moved to Boston five years ago 

that we would drive across the country together when she was done there.

So, in early August, Michael and I did another two weeks apart,

and I flew to Boston for one last perfect day in that city with my sister.

My parents met us there, too,

and then began the road trip of all road trips. Seriously. 

It was so crazy long,

and we loved it.

Then I left these two again,

and they were getting tired of me dragging out this goodbye process.

But that just goes to show you that goodbyes with family don't ever have to be sad.

You'll always make time to see each other and find a way to make it happen.

(Like...when they all come out for the fourth of July this year! Be excited.)

So I waited for my plane with this bird,

and went back to Indiana for REAL this time. 

No more of that two-weeks-on, two-weeks-off type of marriage.

September was birthday month,

and it involved a lot of raspberries.

That's kind of just what it was. Birthday month and berries.

 In October we met Michael's parents in Loogootee, Indiana,

and visited a lot of Amish shops and farms.

Michael was in jail for part of the time,

but I had to let him out to ride in a buggy with me. I couldn't let him miss that.

The people there were so nice, and we loved meeting them. It was a beautiful day.

Dental school continues. And this really is their homework.

It's the real deal.

 Our weekends started filling up with things that pop up when you Google

"top things to do in Indianapolis."

Like the art museum, up above. Being held up by a thousand tiny hands is definitely something.

Other big news in October was starting my new job, 

and finally finishing our first nightmare of a project 

(that we now love and hold no hard feelings towards).

 

November meant BIRTHDAY time for Michael,

(complete with a week-later sunny trip to the zoo and a Pacer's game),

late night dates with election results,

finally finishing the table of popsicle sticks,

and a new little nephew in our life. Nice work, November.

 We watched Fall fade away with some sadness

(goodbye, frisbee after work & school),

but Thanksgiving in Evansville got us in the mood for the holidays.

 

Then suddenly, December. That month that is always here so suddenly.

It brought beautiful sunsets, just like all the others.

 We put up our tiny Christmas, and loved the one downtown as well.

Our holidays came on fast, and we loved it.

I'm sure you remember our Christmas in Utah, 

 and New Year's in Evansville.

We were so lucky to be able to see both our families over the holidays.

And let's be real. We were so lucky to experience everything we did in 2012,

and to be sealed together for eternity.

I loved last year, so much. I know that it was more than these highlights and pictures...

I mean, weddings and moving and job searching, 

those big changes don't come without opposition and discouragement, and little freak outs.

But when I look at what I'm blessed with, and who I'm blessed with,

those moments fade away fast. And these are the memories that stick.

I loved last year, and I am so grateful for everything I learned during it all.

So here we go, 2013. 

I'm ready to let you be your own kind of wonderful,

because I think 2012 is going down in the books as pretty unique,

and better than I could have ever planned.