Sunday, October 27, 2019

Back on Track

Last week really did a number on us! But I'm relieved to say that this week we got our head back in the game and things went pretty smoothly. I mean, the bar is set pretty low around here for what I consider smooth, but you get the picture :)

Michael:
put another call week under his belt and it's always nice to get those out of the way! But he's actually on call again in just a few days because of how the schedule worked out, so he's kind of (definitely is) dreading that. He almost missed church today which would've been sad because it was Westin's primary program, but he showed up in scrubs just a couple songs before Westin's part. It was cute to see Westin's face light up when he saw Michael made it. Then tonight Michael wanted us to have a lemon feast since we had a bag of fresh lemons from his coworker. We ended up with lemon garlic salmon, lemon parmesan brown rice, roasted vegetables, mint lemonade, with lemon poppyseed muffins with a lemon glaze for dessert. Quite the lemon experience. Took me back to my pregnancy craving days when lemon was all I ever wanted.

Maddie:
felt like a different person this week after feeling like every day last week just beat us down. That's probably because of prayers from the people in my life who have to hear about my beaten down days :) We'll take the change however we can get it. We played at Emily's house on Friday and I'm just once again so grateful to have such a good friend here. I can't imagine our four years of Fresno without Emily. I've been spending some more time lately figuring out how to launch a project a friend and I have been working on for a while and it's exciting/intimidating/frustrating/fun. I also started on my first cross stitch order post-Camden and... I'm pretty sure I'm going to shut down my Etsy shop for the Christmas season. Expectations, people. Keeping them managed. 

Westin:
had parent teacher conferences this week and his teacher was so fun to talk to. She said Westin works hard, listens so well, loves to follow the rules, and has never acted out in school. None of this surprised me but I told her that I was actually a little worried about him being a little too far on that side of things -- he has told me that if he ever "clipped down" (they move their clothes pin names up and down on a behavior chart throughout the day) that he would never go back to school. I think he's quite the perfectionist and I just want him to learn that we all make mistakes and it's ok. She really noted that and he came home from school one day saying that he and Mrs. Brundage talked about how trying your best is always enough and it's ok if we don't do things right all the time. She seems like such a sweet teacher. Westin did great in his primary program and seemed so much older than he was in last year's program.

Bennett:
I took Bennett to two different speech appointments this week, his regular gig plus an evaluation with the school district. Hoping to get some closer speech appointments soon but the assessment process is pretty long. He's so cute. It makes me sad when I understand him perfectly but I can tell a stranger has no idea what he has just said to them. I just want him to be able to express himself as much as he wants to. When I picked Bennett up from nursery today the leaders said he was totally on one and such a riot the whole time. I think that's last night's trunk or treat talking. We had fun with our ward Saturday night!

Camden:
is so sweet. I feel guilty every time I force tummy time on him. And guilty when I don't. #motherhood. We were a little bummed this week because we had a pediatrician appointment scheduled for his shots and I knew that was a mistake because he's not four months -- but when I called to check on if I wrote it down wrong or if it was schedule wrong, the girl said that it was right and he was fine to get his shots that day. I mentioned he was only three months and she said to bring him in because it had been long enough since his last shots. So we all showed up, and my pediatrician checked him over (all is well!) and then went to order his shots and noticed he wasn't old enough. Annnnnd told me I couldn't get them for him that day. We were both so bugged that the appointment was made and kept, but the older boys got flu shots so at least we got that done. Westin screamed and cried and cried. Bennett watched the needle go in his leg in silence. Parenting would be so easy if you could just raise each kid the exact same way... :)

Guys! This kid spends so much time in my bed. I never thought I'd be able to sleep if a kid was by me.
But when you're tired, you're tired. 
Ready for Western Day for red ribbon week!



Oh this dog. She's only four months old. Camden's age!
When she first came she was terrified of the kids and just wanted me. So it was great....

But by the second day she was NOT afraid of them. And jumped on them constantly.
And made them cry. And jumped on me constantly. I was going to give her another chance but then...

She literally jumped into the swinging baby sing with baby Camden.
And I was like, no. 
So we kindly invited her back when she's a few months and few training sessions older,
but for now we're taking a little break. She sure is cute though!



His ukulele looks even better on him during Western Day.


No school on Friday! Play time and lunch with friends.
I love that Emily's table is Amish made from Indiana.


Three boys on the bed and the little one said...
Westin thinks that song is the funniest thing in the world.

My view from my yoga mat. Black Panther and Iron Man kept me safe during my workout.




We had to bring cupcakes to the cake walk for our trunk or treat so I let Westin go wild.
I have such little patience for baked goods.

Annnnd guess who dropped one of these cookie sheets while carrying a carseat in the other hand on the way to the car.
It wasn't Michael. Or a kid.
Dang it.

Many were salvaged though. Some weren't. Oh baked goods.

Shortly after the dropped cupcakes we discovered that last year's Mater
only managed to make it to this year's party with one eye.
But I mean, still pretty much a win.



Bennett eats: Best thing on his plate down to the worst thing on his plate.
Westin eats: Worst thing on his plate down to the best thing on his plate.
Like I said. Parenting would be a whole lot easier if they all came the same :)


Sweet Camden bones!



Camden ran the cake walk!

Lemon Feast



Monday, October 21, 2019

Me + Three

This week. I know how important it is to be grateful for what I have, live in the moment, appreciate the little things, and pause to recognize that these are the good days in a lot of ways.

But I also want to be real with my future self who will maybe someday miss and romanticize these baby days. Because oh how I will miss parts of the baby days (rocking a sleeping little Camden!). But this week was maybe the hardest week of mothering I've ever mothered through. It was the first week that I felt like three was getting the best of me. More like, the worst of me. Michael didn't see the boys from Sunday night to Friday night, and it was just a long, hard week at home.

So first I want to say my favorite moment with each person this week.
Michael: when I came home from church and saw that he had all my stroller tires off my stroller and patching up holes in my inner tubes. Motherhood makes acts of service your love language real fast, am I right?
Westin: this cutie has been stoked about his school carnival for a while now. On Friday I picked him up from school with his little brothers and we played on the playground until the carnival started at 4. I watched him hug friends from his class, jump in a bounce house, excitedly climb into a firetruck and garbage truck, and I had him turn in his class ticket for his prize by himself rather than have me do it for him, which took some persuading. But watching him at the carnival just made me really grateful he's having the happy experiences he's having and that he's still little. I was a little floored that sixth graders talk and act the way sixth graders talk and act now while there, and I just felt so happy to have an oblivious little 4-year-old who is so innocent and happy. I let them each choose a treat at the carnival before we went home to eat dinner and he chose a Spiderman ice pop with zero hesitation. Then Bennett chose the same thing and we walked home while they ate those so lovingly. It was so sweet.
Bennett: we have a booster seat in our Corolla, and I take that car to church on the Sundays I have meetings in the morning. Michael meets me there with the kids, and then we take both cars home. Sometimes Westin has come home with me, but this Sunday Bennett rode with me alone for the first time. He giggled the whole time. He felt so big. I realized how few alone moments I have with that little cutie and our 10-minute drive was just so fun and happy.
Camden: On Saturday morning Camden woke me up around 4:30 and I laid by him to feed him. Sometimes I'm tired enough to fall right back asleep but sometimes I'm in some sleep cycle spot that has me wide awake when we meet in the night :) That was one of those times. And for 60 minutes I just watched him eat then watched him sleep, and felt so grateful he's here and healthy and growing and adorable and mine. I love him so much.

Ok! I knew after I wrote those out it would soften me up. But this is also the week that Michael worked long days that felt like first year. He didn't see the boys from Sunday to Friday. He had to go in on Saturday night even though he wasn't even on call because someone's tongue came unstitched from the roof of their mouth (gross), so I was doing bedtime alone on the night I was sure I wouldn't be doing bedtime alone. Westin asked to do a Halloween craft about 5 times a day this week, even after we'd done multiple (ok, two) Halloween crafts during a week in which I felt zero ability to do Halloween crafts. He'd ask as soon as we'd walk in the house from doing this or that, which is always a hard transition with a baby that needs to be changed and fed or a Bennett that needs to go down for a nap, or needing to get ready for school. He and Bennett fought so hard. Camden napped so poorly multiple days. Here's a conversation I overheard to illustrate a part of this stage I won't miss, while Bennett and Westin were going potty (Bennett on his little one in the same bathroom as Westin on the regular toilet).

"Bennett, sit back down."
"Bennett, you're not supposed to lift that up, wait for mommy."
"Ew, Bennett, that just made a mess!"
"Bennett, you're stepping in it!"
"Bennett, do not touch me! There's poop on you Bennett!"

All while I'm stuck helping a crying baby while also, honestly, going to the bathroom myself for only the second time that day because #kids. And it's even kind of funny now to read that. But in the moment I just started crying. And could hardly find the energy to go and break up that fight, clean up that mess, disinfect all the infectedness, and put those brothers to bed. I didn't read to my kids enough this week. We didn't do enough Come Follow Me lessons. We didn't read the Friend once. We fought. I yelled. We all cried on the floor one day, all four of us at once.

This stage is hard.

But I had a blessing from Michael before going to the hospital to have Camden and in it he said, "Raising your children is the most important way you could be using all of your gifts and talents right now." It's really hard to feel that on some days. But I know that gratitude is the fix for that. I'm grateful I'm the one home with my boys. I'm grateful Michael and I have been on a road that's brought us closer because at times it tore us down. I'm grateful we know how to work hard together, even if we're not great at cooking together. :) I'm grateful my boys love me even if I disappoint them sometimes. I'm grateful residency is almost over. Oh how I'm grateful residency is almost over. I'm positive that not knowing our next step is making all current stress and sadness a little too magnified because I'm starting to feel more and more anxious about the unknown.

I almost sat down to just write down our this and thats this week -- Monday's physical therapy went well, Tuesday was a needed slow morning, Wednesday was cute dentist visits for the boys (no cavities! Winning at something!), Thursday is already forgotten, and Friday was the school carnival. Saturday we visited a cute fall festival with Michael and had our friends the Drews over for hot dogs and s'mores over a fire in our backyard.

If that's all I remembered about this week it'd be fine. But I want to remember how hard this all is, so that I can remember that I did it. And tomorrow I'll do it all again. Until someday I'll realize it's not quite as hard and they're not quite as small and I'll feel grateful for the easier times and nostalgia for the late night rocking chair moments. But no one's going to miss cleaning up the poop.

Speaking of.

Adorable little cutie getting his x-rays

I just quietly giggled through their whole dentist visit. Why is this so cute.

No cavity wall!

Westin was stoked to write his name up there.


So much swag.

We raced to Target after because I wanted to get a $5 gift card for a flu shot.
Is this a new thing? Who knew about this??

My lunch date.

Taking home the class Huggy Bear for the night. He looooves that thing.


If you look hard through that window you can see the view I love looking at of those two cute brothers playing,
all seen from...

...my rocking chair in my bedroom while I do this. Best moments.

And on Friday I held him for almost half of a nap just because I wanted to.

Then off to the carnival where their garbage truck dreams came true!









They were really confused about this concept, but then...

...we finally got it :)


Tummy time is work!

Sneaky Kitty

Michael rocked my Wild Bird for the first time on a quick mail check trip.


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