Surviving

Well.... you can tell by the amount of pictures I took this week that it was pretty uneventful around here.

We have the winter/baby tied-down-blues. But we'll get back out in the world again.

The boys had Monday off so Michael took them to a butterfly garden an hour south, plus a Red Robin lunch on the way home. Asher and I stayed home and had some nice quiet house time together.

Walking or driving the boys to school is such a to do. If it's walking, it's three pairs of boots and coats and hats and gloves and back packs and masks, plus time the baby's feeding and bundle him up and get him situated in my carrier and then get him warm, then get me warm, then get us out the door for a snowy walk that normally takes me 6 minutes but with all kids in the snow takes me 17 one way. Camden refuses gloves or takes them off and then cries because his hands are cold and won't walk through the snow unless I'm holding his hand, and twice this week I didn't do my wrap quite right so I had to keep a hold on Asher in the wrap and couldn't hold Camden's hand very easily, then he fell down one day and wanted to be carried and it took us 25 minutes to walk home while I just repeatedly told him I couldn't. SOO then we drove on Friday and getting all of them in four car seats and out of 3 car seats when we get home feels just barely even easier. And once I'm done I time it all again for 3 hours later, then time it all again for 3 hours later, and it sounds like nothing if you haven't been there and it makes for the most ridiculous of days. I asked Westin if I could homeschool him for just the rest of first grade and he was 0% interested in that. I can't blame him, but I do think it sounds like such a better day and better use of time than what we're doing.

Asher hit two months yesterday! He has a doctor's appointment this week to see how he's growing, I have one this week to see how I'm healing, and honestly I think we could both be doing a better job at those... He still fits in the clothes we brought him home from the hospital in, which I've never had a baby stay that small for that long. And I feel like I am not healing well inside and I hope beyond hope that it's just a slow recovery and not a recovery that will need some assistance. I've been reading all about hernias this week and feeling so discouraged.

So, not an exciting week over here and not our brightest of times. We fight too much. We all feel antsy. We're tired of Covid. It feels like winter just started even though when Christmas ends is when you feel done with winter. We're not sleeping enough, we're not talking kindly enough, we're not enjoying each other as much as we should. Just the real talk over here. The salt in all these wounds was the night this week when a smoke alarm went off at 3 in the morning which then set off our main BLARING house alarm, which has gone off twice in its life, reminding us that the previous owners accidentally left us the wrong code for that alarm and we can't disarm it. So it was blaring for minutes, and miraculously none of our four boys woke up and it happened right in the middle of one of Asher's longest stretches of sleep. It reminded me of when the SWAT team woke me up during Westin's first long stretch of sleep in Manchester Village in Indiana, and Michael was so intrigued and invested in the neighbor situation and I was just bitter beyond belief that the SWAT team had to choose THAT NIGHT to involve themselves.

Sleep is important.

We need something to look forward to, which might be a Yellowstone trip but we're trying to figure out if the timing will work. We'll see. I just know we'll look back on this stretch and think "Oof, remember that..." and I don't want to label it all as that. I want to have better days with each other. Asher is the absolute sweetest and the brightest part of everything for me right now. His smiles really melt my heart, which is needed between what feels like constant nagging for help and pleading for quiet. :/

Here's to getting through January and February!

Camden was committed to this burger.

Tummy time has always been hated by all my kids.

I made zucchini baked oats this week and was obsessed with them.
Eating them each day was what I looked forward to on all my walks to school.
Put some almond creamer and fruit and peanut butter on there and it's dessert!

Bundled.

"I'm gonna make some pages for your next book!"
Haha sweet Bennett boy. We did his reading book together every day this week except Saturday and he's doing great.

Feeling this.

When you obviously didn't mix the batter enough....
Flat, semi-flat, and fluffy.
These "lactation" cookies are basically a less guilty feeling chocolate chip oatmeal cookie that I'm obsessed with right now.

 

Three Weeks with Camden

Camden:

This cute little guy! So needy but so loved. I think he has some reflux going on, he just cannot lay back down after eating at night. But once I've accepted that and shifted my expectations (keeping him upright for about 30 min after feedings rather than back to sleep for us both), we're doing ok. He's never woken up more than twice in a night, and he sleeps about 5 hours for his first stretch. I feel like he needs to be held more than Westin or Bennett did, but I think that might just be because I don't remember how much they needed that AND I'm pulled in more different directions this time so it feels harder to slow down. But we've definitely slowed down :)

Slowing down, staying home more, and more simple interactions have shown me these things about my cute boys:

Bennett:

always so conscious of others. Brings me a water bottle when I start feeding the baby. Brings me a stool to put my feet on. When he gets a special snack he always brings me a little bit and wants to share. Loves books with animals in them, especially giraffes. So animated when he plays with his brother -- jumping around, so many excited noises and faces, such funny mannerisms. He is so, so sad when he's corrected at all. He loves to wipe his tears away and take a deep breath when he's done being sad. He loves to give a little forced chuckle to lighten the mood and make sure you're not mad. He pets the baby's head when I feed Cam, and loves to tell me that he's "so so soft to brother". 

Westin:

such an inquisitive, sensitive, smart little guy. He becomes SO sad if he accidentally hurts Bennett, and unfortunately reacts with a lot of grumpiness and anger even though I know it's coming from a place of feeling bad about what he did. He loves to color and do projects together, or cook together. His face is pure joy when he's watching home videos. Such a good, good eater and interested in what foods are good for you or not good for you. Loves listening to stories from grandpa. Likes noticing when Camden makes funny faces but not interested in holding him. He wants to make us happy and is such a sweet boy. I can't believe he's going to go to school every day soon.

Maddie:

still feels like I have completely put life on hold to have a baby and nothing has started back up again. Which is ok, but I miss feeling fully human. I did sneak away to get my haircut this week when we learned that Camden was totally ok with a bottle. I miss getting ready and getting out, but that will come soon when I can lift the carseat and figure out what on earth to wear these days. Oh man, I've had so many bodies in the last few years :) But it's all worth it for these sweet boys.

Michael:

was on call this week but has this next week off and we're happy to have him around for some days at home! He had an interesting self-portrait drawn by a patient this week, he always has some interesting stories from his hospital life and the characters he meets :) He made us a Spanish meal this week and it was really fun. I decided we should make it a tradition to eat it every year on July 11, the day that Michael left on his mission to Spain. I want to work in more traditions like that into our year because holiday traditions just always seem to need to be more simple than I originally plan on. We've had a good weekend with him home half the day. 

Grandma and Grandpa:

They get their own section this week because they probably feel like they live here now! They were SO nice to be here for two weeks with us. We are so, so sad they are leaving soon. They've been so sweet to get the boys out of the house, help with Camden, keep us above water at home, and just be here for moral support! My dad is so good at getting Camden to sleep and my mom makes sure I walk each day. They are just so kind to help us so much and we love having them here. I'll always remember Camden's newborn nights of yogurt parfaits and Queer Eye episodes with my parents, haha. Grandparents are the best!

Self Portraits! Westin went with 100% green, maybe because we recently watched the Grinch?

I don't know if anybody is better at getting Camden to sleep right now than my dad.
Walks and humming and stories, and he's a happy little guy.

First bottle! He loved it instantly.
Which shocked me, because he is NOT interested in a binky.
But I will not give up. I have never had to try this hard to get a kid to take one,
but I know it's worth the effort!

First walk in the sling!

Westin and Bennett showed Grandma and Grandpa around the fish hatchery

So fun when they start to have more bright-eyed moments

Michael and Kitty. Everyone around here is tired.

Michael decided to make us a Spanish meal on Saturday
(gazpacho, tortilla espanola, and some manchego cheese snacks)
and this cute boy helped with cutting things up. But it went south when he touched his face after touching a serrano pepper.
Poor little guy! Ice bags and Wild Kratts later, he was doing ok.

I still don't feel quite human but we'll get there soon enough :)

A Spanish Saturday night

I love when he sleeps like this.

Michael's fancy portrait drawn by a patient... :)

Sweet Brothers

Living that Newborn Life

Camden:

has had a very different week than that blissful sleepy first few days at home -- maybe I should get back on those pain meds? Kidding. But the nights have gotten a little rougher and the awake times a little fussier, but honestly it's still good stuff around here. We love having this little guy in our family and can't wait to get to know him more. He hated his first bath! Loves being swaddled so much. And prefers to never be put down :)

Bennett:

has started acknowledging Camden more, with a few pats on the head when he walks by or pointing to him and calling him brother, or just petting his dark hair. He is playing with Westin a lot more, and still loves Giraffes Can't Dance and any other book about animals. He loves his naps and loves going to bed. Grandma and Grandpa have been putting him down this week while I still can't lift, and he gave them a little scolding for not shutting the door :) Still rocking that closet life. That'll change in a few weeks when we move the boys into the same room!

Westin:

has started talking about being nervous for his new school. I'm nervous too! That'll be a big change for us both. But I think that he will love it and if he doesn't, we'll figure that out too! He is so happy to have grandparents visiting -- I know he misses our busy pre-baby life. He loves that grandpa can draw super heroes for him on the sidewalk or on paper. And he loves books in Grandpa's radio voice :)

Maddie:

That two-week mark after a c-section is a great milestone. Feeling better each day and looking forward to being able to lift and work out again. I walked almost a mile yesterday so it feels good to slowly be feeling better! I wish we weren't in the heat of the summer and I'd be walking lots more. Oh Fresno. This week I got a spouse scholarship to attend Michael's annual oral surgery meeting, in Boston in September. I'm feeling torn about going -- it sound really fun to be there with him and to make myself get out of mom mode for a bit, but I also worry about flying a two-month old on a germy airplane... decisions. I've been SO GRATEFUL for my parents this week as they've taken the boys out to do fun things, kept our cupboards and fridge stocked, and cleaned up after this crazy crew. I have such wonderful family and I'm always extra extra grateful for them during the newborn haze.

Michael:

was off this weekend and the boys love being in the backyard with him (usually getting sprayed with the hose by him). He gets so much done when he's home. He and grandpa took the boys to build at Home Depot this weekend. I'm reading a book called "Boys Adrift" that my aunt recommended. I'm learning a lot of things, but the main thought I keep having while reading it is, "Man, Michael is just the best." He really is such a wonderful husband and dad. I wish we could see more of him, and I wish he liked walks :) BUT mostly I'm just incredibly, incredibly grateful he is ours.

Snoozy little boy.

He isn't loving binkies but I'm trying hard...
I tried the hospital binky just to see, and he took to it much more than my other ones.

But these are so much cuter! So we'll keep trying :)

Captain America and Spiderman visiting our driveway

If you're wondering, the crayons did NOT stay on the paper. But walls wipe easily enough :)

Hanging out with grandma!

He's usually swaddled when sleeping but I love finding him like this when he's not.

Oh this little guy. He reminds me of a tree frog, just clings to me.

Grandpa's lap is the best place for stories!

First bath! It was not a happy time for him but... necessities.

First Week

Our first week with Camden! We'll start with him :)

Camden:

is pure sweetness and I just love how babies are straight from heaven. He has been the easiest first week of life by FAR out of my babies. He sleeps long stretches at night, only fusses if he wants to eat or be swaddled, and is so sweet to watch when he's alert and awake. This has been the first time I have truly felt like I'd repeat a week of newborn time if I could. I love all my children! But for some reason a better recovery and Camden's sleeping made this week infinitely more manageable than my other two experiences of bringing little humans into the world. Feeling so grateful for that!

Bennett:

has not been as into the baby as I expected -- he's actually been very similar to how Westin was when we brought Bennett home. Sweet to him but pretty much ignores him. He's held him a couple times but only with some coaxing, and he has been playing with Westin a LOT more even in just the last week. I'm glad they have each other! Bennett's obedience has pretty much gone out the window this week though -- I swear kids know that a mom's words have no power when she's nursing a baby. She's not getting up. The threats are empty.

Westin:

was fully aware of what was happening through this pregnancy and going to the hospital to meet Camden. It was fun to see him be excited about the baby coming. He has been playing with Bennett a lot more and has been a little extra negative, but I think that's as much due to summer burnout as bringing home a baby. He just needs routine. Which is coming soon because I'm SO HAPPY that his school transfer went through and we will be able to walk to school instead of drive this year. That's a game changer.

Maddie:

After lots of anxiety about another c-section, I am actually pretty surprised at how much smoother this whole recovery has been than my other two. I think a combination of a bigger age gap and healthier start to my pregnancy, walking lots more in the hospital and days following surgery, a sister who is so extremely good at taking care of me, and a baby who's actually sleeping has made for a much smoother first week home. Feeling so grateful for that! I'm soaking up Camden and trying to have intentional moments with Westin and Bennett each day too, and just slowly easing into life with three boys. Just gotta manage expectations and be ok with slow and steady :)

Michael:

is luckily feeling better after getting sick right during new baby week. He's back to work already while family is here with us but will have some time off in August. Fourth year is busy with lots of new chief responsibilities and he's getting used to that. I think he's the most tired I've ever seen him and I'm excited for him to have a week off next month. He works so hard for us at home and at work. The boys love their daddy so much.

My parents arrived today! And Ali just barely left for the airport. I am always so, so sad when she leaves. I could not have babies without my sister. I couldn't do life without my sister! She does so much for me and always has. I'm so grateful for our families!

Camden, Bennett, Westin