A New Mother's Day

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head during my first Mother's Day as a mom. I knew becoming a mother would bring higher highs and lower lows into my life. Just, more feelings, if you will. It just makes sense. What I didn't anticipate is how unexpectedly those strong feelings would come on, at any random moment. I never knew that during a routine (oh so routine) diaper change my little son could gaze at me so sweetly and smile so big that I'd suddenly just think of heaven and how I want to be with him forever up there, after all this. Or that sometimes I'd tickle this little boy and hear his newly discovered laugh build up, and I'd suddenly just want to cry thinking about all the kids who aren't being tickled enough and who aren't getting enough chances to discover their own laugh. 

So many bigger smiles. So many random tears. Motherhood is a lot of feelings, you guys. 

A baby's trust and innocence is the most tender thing to witness. They can only communicate with you in so many ways; their wants are their needs and their needs are their wants. They deserve them to be met. These precious souls come to us so dependent, yet shifting our entire perspective and routine to fit them in. To fit them in deep.

Sometimes Westin stares at me hard. We laugh and peek-a-boo and smile and babble, but sometimes, he just stares. So intently. I try to not be the first to break those moments, because I don't know what he's needing to gain from that stare but I'm sure not going to take whatever it is away from him. Maybe he's just studying the way my mouth works or the way my eyes seem more familiar each day. But sometimes it feels like more. Like he's slowly learning more all the time that it's a big deal that he's here and that he's a big deal to me. So he stares and he pieces it together and I try to just shoot love through my eyes right back at him, hard. I think he feels it. I feel it fiercely.

Westin has my heart. It's hard to imagine who he's going to become, or think about what his life will be like. I mean, I can barely even picture his smile with teeth instead of that toothless grin that melts my soul, let alone imagine what kind of man he's going to become someday. But oh man I send so many prayers his way, for his now and for his future. Please help me teach him the best way I can. Or at least just not mess him up. 

I didn't anticipate what it would feel like to have love become the driving force of my day job. Genuine, deep-rooted love. It's the motive behind the big things and mundane things that fill my days, and I love that. I love love. I love this motherly love. My grandma used the word "sappy" better than anyone I've ever heard, and maybe that's what she'd call this rambling that I'm doing, but it's all true. Sappy and true.

Happy late Mother's Day, to everyone who loves and shapes others.

Boston & Finishing Third Year

Michael finished his finals and is now a fourth year dental student. Woohoo! He has worked so hard these past three years. Even though there are still residency applications and boards and some other time consuming hurdles in his future, this was technically his last full on finals week. We won't miss them.

We had fun meeting up with Michael in Boston when he presented his research project over Spring Break. He looks pretty good with that poster of his, right? They've spent a lot of time together.

Westin did pretty good on our cold adventures through Beantown. He started being a terrible sleeper on the trip, though, and I just figured it was from traveling and time changes. But then Michael the Dentist noticed that two little teeth were almost in, which was probably the culprit of those rough nights. He had two teeth erupted at three months old, which was an appropriate thing to accomplish while visiting dad's dental conference. But in terms of nursing, I consider it an inappropriate accomplishment. Who needs teeth at three months old? Sigh.

Even with freezing temps and chilly winds and an uncooperative knee (Michael, church ball), we managed to walk the whole Freedom Trail and grab some favorite cannoli's at Mike's and favorite sandwiches at Al's. Thank heavens for Uber and our ride home from the end of the Freedom Trail though... we just couldn't feel our toes quite enough to make the walk back to our hotel.

This was Michael's first time to Boston, so I loved being there with him. I miss having sister visits in that city; I have so many fun memories there from when Alison lived there for five years. Michael did an externship there the week before I came, so Boston will be on the list of places we apply to for oral surgery. If we end up there I'll be forced to learn to parallel park... probably not a significant factor on our pro/cons list, but still, I think about these things.

Recently Michael had two banquets in one day at the dental school where he was inducted into an honor society as well as recognized for being in the top 50 graduate students at all of IUPUI. This husband of mine is a genius, plus the hardest of workers, so it's a serious combination. We had never left Westin with a babysitter that wasn't family before, then suddenly he had two in one day so that we could attend the banquets together. Thanks, Becca and Summer, for watching our little guy! 

I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that we are fourth years. Every year in May we lose some of the dear friends that we've made here, then every year in July we get a handful of new friends who are starting this same road of ours. It's hard to believe that we are next to leave. I knew these four years would go by fast, and they definitely have.

Here's a group of my friends out at one of our favorite dessert stops, Mrs. Curl's, for a goodbye party for this year's graduates and movers. I just love these ladies that I've crossed paths with here in Indianapolis, and I know we'll stay in touch with so many great friends from this part of our life.