Finding Ways to Help

Blogging on Sundays has already added a fun shift in my perspective. It's a time to evaluate the parts of my week that I want to remember, which helps me naturally see what's important in my life and what just doesn't matter. I want to be better at not sweating the small stuff and really living intentionally and mindfully. 

Here's an update on each of us:

Michael:

Is a first year resident, enough said. I just don't even know how he works the hours that he does. Watching the kind of dad he is even through his crazy schedule has just made me love him so much more. He usually doesn't get home in time to see Westin, but on the days he does it makes that little boy so happy. And even though Michael is exhausted and usually hasn't had dinner yet, he just plays and plays with him and loves just being with Westin when he can. He'll try and get a quick bite but "Come on, dada!" always wins out and he's over at the box of legos or the train set soon enough. His sister Rachel and her husband Spencer visited us from San Francisco this weekend and we had SO much fun with them. I love having visitors so much. We went to Woodward Park, celebrated Rachel's birthday, ate Cafe Rio, laughed a lot, and ran around in circles. (Do you know the song Running Around in Circles? It makes life happier.) Michael also put new wheels on my double stroller this week so our daily walks are back in business and he just cannot comprehend how much I love him for that. Moms need strollers, people.

Maddie:

I spent my first evening away from Bennett this week (5 hours!) when I went to a meeting for the women who attend my church and then out to dinner with friends after. As in, burgers and fries at 9pm and I realized I have no idea when the last time I went out at that time of night was. Michael and I have been on three dates in Fresno but they have all been during the afternoons when Westin is taking a nap, and I didn't even know how weird it is that I haven't gone out at night in so long until I was out at night. Anyways. Mom life. My women's meeting was all about minimalism in the way you spend your time and I loved it. President and Sister Nelson spoke and it was memorable. I have also felt really consumed by wanting to get involved in my community with my little family in the ways that I can. My heart aches for refugees right now and I want to do what I can from where I am at. I posted on Instagram/Facebook (post below in the pictures) looking for ideas from friends and I LOVED the responses I received. 

Here are my goals to become INVOLVED instead of just informed:

• Pray every day to know what it is that I can personally do to help others that day, and teach my boys to help others.
• Remind myself to "Lift Where I Stand" by reading this talk each month.
• Download the JustServe app and look for opportunities each week that I can do with my boys.
• Talk to my Relief Society president about getting involved with the I Was a Stranger program specific to my city.
• Make actual calls to my representatives to voice my opposition to or support of policies; I'm going to sign up for Daily Action text alerts and act on those that I agree with. 
• Finally start a project that has been in the works with one of my best friends from home. We have been wanting to combine her art with my writing for a while now, and we feel like now is the time. This is the one I am most excited about!
• More to come, send me ideas!

I'm writing these out to make my goals feel more tangible, and for my own accountability. Thank you to everyone who gave me great ideas about how we can help others and be involved!

Also, I watch way too much Grey's Anatomy. That's all the update from me.

Westin:

Is so dang fun. And such a good eater. He eats everything we eat except maybe zucchini. His favorite thing to do is to pretend to cook, and he's always "making soup!" Recently I've started to really try to find ways for him to help make dinner and I'm amazed at how much of an even better eater he is if he's involved in making the meal. He used to not eat any spinach but I cut some up and had him put in each little leaf into a pot of tortellini soup, and when we ate dinner he kept stirring around looking for "Westin's leaves!" and ate them all. Same thing with mushrooms the next night. It's so much fun to do more and more things with him as he gets older. He was sick this weekend so we missed church, and I realized then that we have had a very healthy winter (knock on wood...). He's randomly obsessed with "berries" -- either from trees on our walks, or these little felt balls that he hot glued onto a felt Christmas tree in nursery weeks ago. He ripped them all off and they've somehow lasted for weeks and he needs to hold "berries" when he takes a nap and goes to bed. He has a surprisingly accurate inventory of which colors are around and where they're stashed, and he loves to put them into the holes of his Duplos and then make me go get my tweezers to get them out. Just a random obsession of his for the books. We had our first dinner of PB&J sandwiches in front of the TV when dad was at the hospital late one night, and in that moment I thought, "Yep...this is what I pictured residency being like sometimes. But we're doing it!" So, I'm not ashamed. And Westin loved it! Just go read the spinach story again if you're judging me right now.

Bennett:

Has become so strong this week! He will roll over soon I think, and he has had enough of being put into his bouncer seats. He arches his back over and over until he slides on out of there. Full disclosure here, he was sitting in his bouncer facing Westin (he's always happy watching his brother) while Westin was watching a show, and mom was cleaning the bathrooms. (The bathroom detail is a true story, I'm not just trying to save face here.) I heard Bennett fussing and came back in the living room and he had bounced his little way out of the chair onto the carpet and was facedown. All while Westin was just watching Little Einstein's happily. After I rescued Bennett and felt sufficient guilt I kind of laughed and realized that Westin really is so much littler than I give him credit for these days. He's had to grow up a lot in a short amount of time since we had a baby. I tried to explain to him that next time baby is face down on the ground I'd appreciate if he could notice and come tell Mama. I'm not too sure that has sunk in... sweet Bennett, we love you. In all fairness this same thing did happen to baby Westin once, too, so don't feel picked on! Little Benny is still waking up a lot of times each night, but he has started going to bed awake without crying the last few nights and that's a huge milestone for me. I'm not very patient with getting babies to sleep so it inadvertently turns into early sleep training and intermittent crying-it-out even though I never actually decide to do those things. I just don't know how to not do those things? He's so smiley and we love our baby Bennett so much.

We loved FaceTiming grandparents today, I am so happy that my kids have the grandmas and grandpas that they do. Family is the best! Here are some photos from the week:

Post: The biggest worry I had before becoming a mother was the fear of putting my heart out there that much. I have always had a hard time shaking off sadness or not dwelling on heartbreak that I witness or hear about or experience. I knew having my own child(ren) would intensify that beyond comprehension.

Fast-forward to two kids and my fears are as justified as I expected they'd be, but of course it's worth it. But combine that with the current political climate and this sensitivity has felt almost paralyzing. Now this love I feel for my children translates into every heartbreaking story that finds me in this ever-smaller world -- "What if that was Westin? What if Bennett experienced that?" And I know that's a universal feeling but that doesn't lessen the individual experience.

So today I've determined to stop letting this sensitivity translate into only fear and sadness, but action and resolve. I believe Jesus Christ wants me to try to internalize the experiences of my brothers and sisters in this world and let that fuel my efforts to love them. Instead of feeling infinite sadness about wondering what it would be like if I couldn't get my babies into a country they were safe, I am going to take time to mother not just my own babies but do what's in my power to help children who are experiencing exactly that.

I need help finding ways to help. What can we do? I know I need to call representatives daily to voice my contempt for barring refugees. I know I can donate to the ACLU. What else are you doing? What can I do to help?

I just can't feel like an observer anymore. Honestly my efforts to "be informed" feel completely inadequate in relation to where things are actually going now and I want to DO something. Besides write a much too long post that still feels like it doesn't convey what I desperately want it to.

So, send me your suggestions. I want to know there are things we can do and that good people are doing them. 

Conquering January

Happy Sunday! This is my first post of weekly blogging similar to my friend Becca's system because I want to do a better job at keeping a record of my family. Plus, I miss writing! When I feel like I'm back on top of life more after this second baby business I hope to write more essays on this blog as well. But for now, I'm looking forward to having weekly updates that my kids can look back on someday.

...

Michael:

Works so much! We are so grateful for him. January has been a crazy month for him with a lot of nights at the hospital and many, many long days. He is enjoying his oral surgery program and the people he works with, but it's crazy busy. This week he took a patient's wisdom teeth out on his own. That kind of blows my mind! Westin seems to be understanding now that dad is a doctor and he frequently asks Michael for a shot. I'm not sure why that idea sounds fun to him because he does NOT enjoy visiting his pediatrician. Michael just came off a five-month anesthesia rotation and is now back on oral surgery service through the rest of his first year. His years go from July 1 to July 1 and it feels good to be chipping away at this infamous first year. Some weeks he only sees Westin one or two days, and that's the saddest part. When Michael was home this week we all played hide and seek together, and I asked Westin, "Where'd daddy go, Westin?" when Michael was hiding. Westin said, "He went to work." It was hilarious yet super sad if we thought too hard about it. Luckily daddy was just hiding by the bed and not back at the hospital and Westin was pretty happy about that.

Maddie:

I have been working hard to identify what really makes me happy because I think it's so easy to lose all sense of self after having a baby. Right now I know that spending time outside with my family, having a clean and organized home, documenting life, reading books, and eating chocolatey treats make me really happy. Those are in no specific order and there are many other things on that list. Like getting enough sleep. But, I am only setting goals that are in my control of course (looking at you, Bennett). I've had a weird week with too much news and social media consumption. Watching the Inauguration of Trump was kind of an indescribable experience for me, as was immersing myself in coverage of the women's march in locations all over the world the next day. I want to understand people more. I always want to be guided by love and an open mind before anything else. 

Westin:

Is a two-year-old boy, oh my goodness. His new favorite phrase is "No, Westin's turn" and that pretty much sums up his attitude right now. But man is he sweet when he wants to be! He has recently realized that he's good at making Bennett smile and it has transformed their relationship. He is much more aware of Bennett now and likes to be involved with taking care of him. He will still occasionally sit in Bennett's little rocker  and "cry", which is a pretty big hint that Westin needs some attention. Haha I kind of love it. I want to potty train him but honestly I just don't feel capable of that right now. He loves when daddy comes home from the hospital with snacks, and loves to sit in dad's little blue truck. He's obsessed with that truck, with his toy truck, with his book called Little Blue Truck... definite pattern here. He's also obsessed with picking any berries we see on a walk, and a highlight of his life recently was picking lemons in our primary president's backyard. He was so thrilled that he was actually allowed to pick them since he's always obsessing over lemon and orange trees on our walks. He's a great sleeper apart from occasional sad dreams, but he still does 11-12 hours at night and a 3 hour nap every day. He's in a crib but likes to read stories in his toddler bed that is set up next to it. We're slowly working up to that change. I love Westin. And I love when Westin takes naps. :)

Bennett:

Is almost four months old! I can't believe that. I think of him as a newborn, but when I meet someone and they have a 4+ month old baby I don't think newborn in my mind. So, we're just entering baby stage! He is strong and loves to sit up or even stand up when his hands are being held. He has started staring at his hands and moving his fingers, and I LOVE when babies start to learn they're in charge of their little body. It's so cute to me. He only naps in his swing and that stresses me out, but I can't let him cry in his pack n play during the day because then Westin would wake up from his nap. And you guys, we need that nap to happen. So for now he swings it out and takes 3-4 naps in my kitchen, then he is in our room at night. We had a really sad SIDS experience in our community and it completely changed me -- I used to never sleep well with a baby in my room and now hearing Bennett's noisy baby breathing is about my favorite sound in the world. Someday I want him to share a room with Westin, but we're working up to that.

...

That's life right now! We feel like we are still getting settled in Fresno, and I miss Indianapolis something fierce. This rainy winter was not too shabby though, it feels so nice to wear just a jacket and go for walks in January with no snow. I'm not sure I could live completely without seasons but these overcast rainy days feel seasony enough. Especially when I see all my Utah friends post about their insane snow storms... yikes. We've loved exploring Woodward park by our house recently, and we also love that a Cafe Rio opened nearby. I've only been a couple times but being able to THINK everyday "Maybe we'll just go to Cafe Rio tonight..." has really been a mood lifter. Here are some pictures from January!

Welcome Back to the Blog!

Apparently 2016 was my year off from blogging. But we're back! And not recommitting to blogging habits of the past, because life has changed and I'm ready to be realistic here. Lately though I have been trying to identify what truly makes me happy and making those things a priority. Documenting life is seriously high on my list. I feel so fulfilled and accomplished when I finish a project that keeps a history of my life and family. So, I have been inspired for years by my friend Becca's blog and I am going to try implementing a similar system here.

First, some serious updating in two pictures:

Pod: full of all of our stuff from leaving sweet Indiana. 

New home: in Fresno, California, where Michael matched for his oral surgery residency program.

Big belly: our newest addition, who has already additioned himself. See second picture.

Meet: Bennett Steven Daetwyler!
He debuted on October 3rd, 2016 at 10:12 a.m. hitting 8 lbs 3 oz and 20 3/4 inches long.

Those birth announcement numbers always start to overwhelm me by the time the inches roll around, but now you can consider yourself fully updated.

From here on out, I'm going to do a weekly update on my family and each member, because this is a stage of constant change and if I let it slip through my fingers then it's just gone forever. That  thought overwhelms even more than the inches situation!

See you again soon, long lost blogosphere.