Spring Break 2015 | The Utah Part

Michael spent a week in Boston doing an oral surgery externship, so Westin and I decided it was time that he met the rest of his mama's family in Utah while his dad was gone. I was so nervous to fly with this kiddo by myself the first time, I won't lie. But now I'm grateful that the first time was solo, because now traveling with Michael feels so easy. We flew from Indy to Vegas on a Monday afternoon, and my sweet parents picked us up.

I was so excited for Westin to meet his Grandpa Miner. He looks like my dad to me (and Michael's dad too, this kid is his grandpas' grandkid), and it was just so fun to finally have them meet. Westin did great through the entire plane ride and for most of the ride from Vegas to Cedar City. Then he woke up every hour for the rest of the night... :) Poor guy. Switching time zones, throwing Daylight Savings Time in there, and then TEETHING (what??), kind of messed up the little routine he was finally getting down.

I had a crepe night while I was in Cedar City with friends from high school. It was so fun to catch up and introduce Westin to some of my favorite people! My friend DaNae had her little baby Sawyer just a month after Westin, so we loved seeing each other's sweet boys.

Westin had quite the early morning during one of our Cedar City days, and my dad was awake early as well. Mornings are Westin's happiest times, and that one in particular was special. I loved seeing him with my dad.

This boy is so cuddly. I hope he stays that way as long as possible!

We drove up to Lehi to spend time with my brother's family and my sister, and we had a blast all together. Westin's cousins were so cute with him. We went swimming one day and Westin surprisingly enjoyed it. He didn't cry until we'd been in the pool for over an hour, and then he instantly fell asleep when I wrapped him up in his towel. 

Overstimulated, sweet, sleeping baby boy. The first swim after a long winter is always the best. I am so ready for spring and summer!

My sweet sister Alison is ENGAGED, so we had a girls' day of ice cream and wedding dress shopping. Lydia loved all those princess dresses. We can't wait to go back out to Utah for the June wedding.

Westin and Jonas are about four months apart. That's quite the difference at this stage, but it won't be long until it's no difference at all. I'm so happy he has cousins close to his age on both sides of his family, my memories with my cousins are such treasures. 

My friends Kendra and Brianna (from high school) came to visit and I loved seeing them so much. Don't mind the blurry picture or the zonked out baby. 

Sunday best! Church is a whole new ball game with a little one, I feel so exhausted when we get home. He's entertaining though, too. Like when he filled his diaper very loudly and for a full 40-ish seconds during Sunday School and caused an entire row of people to turn around and look at him....

Sweet Westin with his grandpa. I love this picture.

Check out our get up -- and I considered this "traveling light" with a baby. This is us just after landing in Boston after the Utah leg of our Spring Break. We met Michael there after his externship for his three-day research conference. More details on that soon!

A Blessing for Westin

A couple weeks ago we had a special day for our little family at our church. Children in our church are baptized at the age of eight, but it's tradition that they receive a blessing when they are a baby, typically from their father or another priesthood holder. Michael gave Westin a sweet and simple, heartfelt blessing and it was a really meaningful day for us.

We also felt lucky that Michael's parents were able to be there that day. We are far from all the rest of both our families, so we especially love when we get the chance be with Michael's parents. They spoke in our ward that day and gave great talks about families and temples.

Family means so much to us. I am so curious to know where Michael and I will move next year, and where our family members will all end up. It's hard to be far away from most of them right now, but we have fun reunions here and there, plus great friends that feel like family in the meantime. Nothing beats those things.

Westin's personality is shining through more each day, especially as he discovers his voice and "talks" to us pretty frequently. Nothing too new is going on in terms of milestones, this kid is pretty content just hanging out as is when I put him on his tummy. He did discover his hands recently though, and watches them with such rapt attention that I can almost always wash an entire load of dishes before he becomes bored of watching his fingers move. But somehow he always gets bored and cries right before my last dish. I think it's one of Murphy's laws.

Westin is growing fast and I really truly do love him more every day. It's pretty incredible to feel how that works. I love getting to know him more all the time while also getting to know myself as a mother. This is a new role and routine for me, and it feels sacred. I love being Westin's mom.

And I think I'm going to love being Westin's mom even more when he doesn't eat three times at night. :)

Finding Our Groove

We have successfully kept Westin happy and healthy for his second month of life, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished. He's a tall, growing, smiley boy and we love him more every day! It still shocks me that we are his parents though. I think hard about that fact for a few minutes each day still. Crazy.

This boy is tall. With a big head. His weight is down to the 50th percentile, but head and height are still rocking it at the 97th. When I hold him in my arms I'm amazed at how much of him there is. There's just so much baby! I thought he'd be tiny, and I thought he'd stay tiny for a while. How wrong I was.

I am in love with this little bundled up face. We don't take chances with this crazy winter. This last Sunday was our first time going to all 3 hours of church and we just barely took his first trip to a store. Target, naturally. He will grow to know that place well, I'm sure.

You might look at this picture above and think that Westin hates his stroller. You'd be right... Unless I put him in his carseat and then attach that to the stroller so that he's facing me. He totally digs that. For a little while, if he's sufficiently full and rested and bundled. We've been going on walks on days that the sun comes around for a little while, and it is good for my soul. I've never been more ready for spring than this year, I'm sure of it. And it hasn't even been a bad winter... I just have never been quite so cooped up, mild winter and all, so we are looking forward to warmer days and many more outings.

Westin's main love in life is that pacifier. This kid just loves to be sucking on something all the time, and I am just grateful for the inventor of the pacifier because if it wasn't that we all know what the alternative would be. And I would just about be going crazy because that almost already happened, even with the pacifier involved. 

Probably the most unflattering picture posted on my blog to date up above, but, it has to be documented. This kid just loves taking his naps on someone. It's adorable, until it's slightly claustrophobic. I've been trying hard to put him down in his crib more, but that only gets about a 20-minute nap out of him, while if he's laying on me he'll be content for 2 hours. Luckily this is not true at night, where he somehow magically decides he loves his crib and sleeps about 7 hours in it. The past week he has gone to bed at 10, woken up at 4 and fallen back asleep when I put his pacifier in, then up to eat at 7. No complaints with that schedule, please stick around.

This is Westin's best friend Miles, four days apart and seriously handsome guys. I'm going to love watching them grow up together during our Indy time!

Westin's first trip to the store felt like a big event. I only needed two things, but he was content and I was out of the house so we made like 20 laps of Target just because. And we can all safely assume that more than two things were purchased, yes.

Sometimes it looks like Westin flexes his muscles when he gets done eating. I like to think that's his way of saying, "Thanks mom, it's working. See?" But he came out strong already so I'm just working on maintaining... I will always remember his pretty violent behavior while living inside me. Those arms packed a mean punch and nothing has changed. Strong little guy.

His changing table is right by a window on our second floor, so he gets pretty excited about the world up there. 

And his two-month photo next to Delta Doggie, my favorite little childhood puppy. His arms are in a constant blurry state because he's always doing this shaky thing with them; it kind of looks like he's in a constant fear of being dropped? Poor little guy. No drops yet, we're doing good. 

I just love this little man. Having him around has been a major adjustment but he's worth every hard part of it all. I'm so happy to watch him learn and grow and keep finding his personality. Last week I turned in my notice at my job and decided to stay with Westin full time. That is a big change, but I'm so grateful for the chance to be with Westin while he grows up. He's already my little buddy.

First Weeks as Mom

Well, it's been a while. I feel a little buried by the transition into motherhood, and this blog post is me coming up for air. We're getting the hang of things over here. Westin and I are getting to know each other a little more every day, and I'm trying to figure out this new role of mine. It feels like a total shift - everything is altered these days. My routine, my body, my way of thinking, my priorities... it's a long list, these alterations. There's good and there's bad and there's just so much unknown. But if I don't keep this little blog space of mine going, then that means I let the changes swallow me, as a favorite blogger of mine described. So, I'm back, with intentions of consistency. It must be a new year's thing.

This is Westin and he is already so different. I look at this newborn photo of him, with his little hand where it always always lies, and I just try to comprehend this little person. He's here, with his own destiny and his own purpose and his own life to live. And I'm the mom. I try to wrap my mind around the whole concept every day still, who knows how much of it can really ever sink in.

People ask who he looks like, and I just think babies look like babies. But there are moments he looks at me with big eyes and a thinking face, and I instantly think of my dad. He just reminds me of him, somehow. It has happened so many times that I suppose he must look like him to me, though it's not a nose thing or an eye thing or a feature of sorts - he just, brings my dad to my mind a lot.

And look how much he has already changed. It's crazy what happens in six weeks and what will keep happening, forever. Time goes by so incredibly fast amid those hours or days that you think are dragging. Overall, it really flies. I think I was my mom's baby not too long ago in her mind. And now I have this tiny guy, and he'll be big and grown so fast, too.

That's why I hung this sign in Westin's nursery, above his crib. It says "Enjoy the little things." Because that's what I want to do, even amid nights of hardly any sleep or moments of big messes or feelings of inadequacy. I just want to enjoy the little things - little Westin, or little moments, or little glimpses of eternal perspective. I know I'll cling to them later, so I want to fully enjoy them now. 

He'll take a nap for three times as long if I'm holding him than if I put him down somewhere. At first it frustrated me. But this sign above his crib has helped me time and again to just sit back and soak this in, soak him in. I know there are days in the very near future that I will just wish he will let me hold him like this, but he'll be too busy. So I'm enjoying it now. I won't have this baby Westin forever, the one who wants to sleep as close to me as possible.

It's so fun to watch his eyes as he watches everything. It's all being seen for the first time. I just wonder what it looks like to him, and what goes on in his little developing mind. He has a bright-eyed stare that looks like he's soaking up the world.

He has a pretty cozy set up when we venture out of the house. Between freezing temperatures and rampaging germs, this winter baby gets seriously bundled up. It's adorable to me, and so satisfying to just zip him into a cozy space and completely control his surroundings. He might be in the world, but I can still protect him from most all of it. Just for a little while.

I did not anticipate the transition to motherhood to be so hard. It's joyous and beautiful, but so hard. His birth was so emotional for me, and the double-recovery that followed really hit me. Then add nursing to all of that, and I became kind of panicky and claustrophobic off and on. Then there's the guilt for feeling panicky and claustrophobic -- it has been a roller coaster over here. I'm so grateful for a mom, sister, and mother-in-law that stayed with me through those first few weeks. Nothing has ever left me so physically and emotionally drained than those first four weeks of being a new mom. But after that point, I felt like I finally gained a better perspective. Life is different now, and a different kind of hard, but it is full of new meaning and potential. I'll find my groove. Westin and I will figure this out. And we're going to enjoy all the little things along the way.

Westin Enters the World | A Birth Story

Short version of the story:

He's here!

Westin Michael Daetwyler

Born at 1:25 a.m. on November 25th, 2014

9 lbs 1 oz   |   22 inches

32 hours of labor, 4 hours of pushing, then ultimately a c-section.

And now the long version, if you want to stick around for a little while...

(It's pretty detailed, for two reasons: I want to always remember everything about this event.

And, I kind of couldn't get enough of reading other people's birth stories in my twelfth hour, er, ninth month of pregnancy. So I figure I should offer mine to the world as well.)

Here we are at 39 weeks, the last of the belly shots. Westin and I were visiting the doctor twice a week at this point because of one random high blood pressure reading, so we were getting pretty sick of going in for those non-stress tests that he kept passing just fine. To be honest though, I never felt a huge desire for him to just GET HERE like so many 39-weeks pregnant women out there. I was so excited to meet him, and so happy to be done being pregnant soon, but I wasn't wishing away any of our final days as just me and Michael. We went to the Hunger Games premier, ate at Tucano's with a lot of friends, hit up the Cheesecake Factory -- we made the most of that last weekend as just the two of us. Then when Sunday morning rolled around, I could tell things were about to happen.

I stayed home from church that morning because I just felt so off. And maybe I had Michael leave early and come home too -- don't judge me. That afternoon I fell asleep, and woke up at 5pm with my first regular contractions. Braxton Hicks had been around a while, but these were different and so regular. I timed them at 7 minutes apart, and they stayed like that all evening and through the night. I had planned on calling my doctor when they were 5 minutes apart, but that never happened. Instead I spent the night wandering around my house finding different positions and distractions to deal with the intensifying pains. Sometimes I would fall asleep for those sweet 6 minutes between, then the 7th minute brought another painful contraction. I knew Westin was on his way, but I really didn't want to go to the hospital just to be sent home, so I kept waiting and waiting for them to get closer together.

Finally at 6am, after what was easily the longest night of my life, I called the hospital and woke Michael up. Contractions were still 7 minutes apart, but they were getting so much more painful. We took our time packing bags, tidying up, and getting ready to go. I knew they wouldn't let me eat at the hospital so I tried to get some breakfast into my nervous stomach. Before we left for the hospital, I threw up. I could feel that my body was saying, "I don't need anything else to worry about right now, this is baby time." So, we went to the post office (errands wait for no one). And then we went to the hospital. Long drives.

When we arrived at the hospital around 8:30am, they checked me and I was dilated to a 6 and 80% effaced. I was so happy! No going back home for us. We went straight to labor and delivery, and by 12pm I had an epidural and was finally ready to sleep for longer than my 6-minute stretches from the night before. We were feeling great at this point -- I thought I'd be holding my baby by early afternoon.

At 2pm I was dilated to a 7 and 100% effaced, and at 3pm they broke my water to see if things would speed up. Things still progressed slowly -- at 5pm I was at an 8, but Westin had moved down and things were still looking good. By 9pm I was finally to a 10, and more than ready to start pushing. I wanted to meet Westin so badly at this point!

But, it didn't go so smoothly from then on. At that point we learned that Westin was face up, which would make things more difficult. I pushed for two hours and he never moved. They turned off my epidural to see if feeling the contractions more would help with the pushing. But it really just made me throw up and gave Michael a taste of what labors are like in the movies. Poor guy, I look back on that part of the process and feel pretty bad for him. But worse for me :)

My doctor did not like how things were progressing at this point. Well, that's because they weren't progressing. After three hours of pushing he told me, "I don't know the reason this baby isn't coming, but it's obvious that there has to be a reason. We're kind of getting into unknown territory here." I knew he wanted to do a c-section, and I was feeling so heartbroken. I can't describe how fiercely I just wanted to hear my baby cry and have him handed to me like I've imagined my entire life. I've never prayed so hard or worked so physically hard for anything than in those hours of pushing. So, I asked my doctor for one more hour. Westin's heart rate was fine on the monitors and had been the whole time, so he let me have my one last try.

And so began that final hour of pushing, at midnight. We tried all sorts of positions, giving it one last effort. I worked so, so hard. It still makes me cry to think about how badly I wanted it to just work how I had always pictured. But by 1am we all knew that this needed to be a c-section. There was no frantic rush or hurried prep -- Westin's heart rate was still looking good, so it was just a calm change in procedure. I wish I would have learned more about c-sections beforehand so that I didn't have to listen to the resident explain all the risks to me right before having one with pretty uneducated ears. I just never thought that would be the route we'd go. But I'm so grateful I live at a time when my baby was still able to be de safely delivered, even if it wasn't how I anticipated.

After laboring Sunday night and all of Monday, I was so incredibly exhausted as they wheeled me into the operating room. I was no longer an active participant in this process, and my mind and body collapsed. I even fell asleep when they were stitching me up. They whisked Westin away to the NICU right when he was born because when they broke my water there was meconium there, so they wanted to check for respiratory issues. I slept for four hours, then they brought him into our room to meet him for the first time. What a precious little soul! That was an emotional time. I can't really describe how odd it felt to work so hard to get my body to do something, something I knew in me was so natural and right, and then just not have it happen. It felt so surreal that he was there in the world, there in my arms -- it was like I couldn't physically believe that he was really there. But I'm so glad he is here, safe and healthy, no matter what route he took.

When they brought him into our room we learned that he was 9 pounds 1 oz... we never saw that coming. Where in the hell me was that baby? I just don't know. But he was healthy and big and pink, and so stinkin' cute. Also, during my c-section they saw that I have a platypelloid (translation: odd-shaped and inconvenient for babies) pelvis. So that, combined with his size, and his face-up position, meant he would have just never come out. Westin's head was so bruised, as well as the backs of both of his arms. Being stuck that long could not have been easy.

We brought Westin home on Thanksgiving Day. So fitting, right? We are so grateful for that little man. It's crazy how special a newborn baby's presence is and how it fills your home. We really love him.

This transition hasn't been all rainbows though, obviously. But in the big picture, it is so wonderful. When I look at this whole new phase of life with an eternal perspective, I just can't believe that I have actually met one of my sweet, dear children. He's here, and we get to spend life getting to know his personality and helping him grow and learn. I am just so grateful he is ours.

Welcome to the family and the world, little Westin! 

We plan on having a good, good life with you.

The Sweetest Baby Shower + A Pregnancy Update

A couple weeks ago this baby and I felt so, so loved. My friends threw a library shower for #babydae and it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me! They had it planned down to the details and full of my favorite things. Friends that know each other well are just priceless. I love them!

These invitations. SO cute, right? It's still on my fridge even though the party is long over. I love looking at that cute card. And my fridge version doesn't have those ugly black boxes - those are just there to protect my sweet friends from the crazies who read my blog. So, stay away from my friends, crazies. 

The whole shower was book themed - decorations with cute children's books, word games and "Name that Character", even all the food had a book tied to it. Maybe it's hard to read all those signs in the picture below, but they're all adorable. "Very Hungry Caterpillar" fruit kabobs, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" and milk, Book Worms... so cute, right?

Those blocks and the rest of this set up on the mantle was so adorable. I think I took ten pictures of it at different times throughout the morning, even though they all looked the same each time. I just couldn't get over how cute it was and kept snapping shots. 

My Indiana friends feel like family. I love them so much! These four years in Indianapolis are really shaped by the friends we've made and the memories we'll always share with them. I love them all - so many different people helped make such a fun day for me and this baby boy, and I appreciated it so much! And we came home with the cutest little library of books, and I'll always love remembering the friend that gave each of them to me when I read their favorite books to my kids.

Plus, I can even put those books on my new (Craigslisted, of course) bookshelf, once I get around to finishing it... This week I found myself suddenly repainting the dresser in my nursery and refinishing the bookshelf I'd already painted, heavy under the influence of the nesting drug. I couldn't deny my two-toned furniture cravings any longer, I suppose. Also, I remember saying that my nursery would be done in my second trimester so that I wouldn't have to worry about big projects when I was far along. Annnd now these are real time scenes from my nursery:

Yikes. Don't judge, people, I've got big plans to tie this half of a room together before baby time comes in who knows how many days. I'm just moving a little slower over here and Michael's school keeps scheduling tests despite our pregnant state, so that's rude of them. 

I'll just leave you with this bonus shot of me at 35 weeks in what I am usually wearing within five minutes of getting home from work. It looks like I'm going to be the proud mom of a basketball.

Fall Break in Utah

We have been looking forward to our Fall Break in Utah for a while now. Michael's little sister Rachel was married last Friday in the Salt Lake LDS temple, and Michael had two glorious days off of school, so we were so excited to take one last trip to see our families before this baby comes.

We made it to Salt Lake late last Wednesday night after a series of crazy events... this trip just came at a busy time and we were not prepared for it. Usually I just stay up as late as necessary the night before a trip and get all ready to go, but I feel like I have 40% of my regular energy level and 7 hours of sleep (or attempting to sleep) is my minimum requirement these days. So, I did what I could to get ready but we ended up not being able to pack until after work/school the day our flight left. Michael was with a patient that afternoon and the appointment went long, so suddenly we found ourselves getting home with 15 minutes to pack and leave for the airport. It was a scramble. When we got to the airport I realized I forgot my temple recommend, which I needed to go to the wedding, so our friend Brian rushed to our house after dropping us off to find it. Then we realized Michael didn't have his wallet, so he couldn't even check in. He called Brian to tell him to get that too, but then found it a couple minutes later deep in his backpack. When I was about to go through security, Brian called and said my recommend wasn't where I said it was - so I searched and searched again...and found it in my wallet. We felt like we were losing our minds. Poor Brian, thank goodness for patient friends.

Then I went through security and had way too intimate of an experience with the security guard since I can't go through the x-ray machines in my current pregnant state. That was, weird. We rushed to our gate and suddenly the straps on my bag broke and I almost dropped Rachel's very breakable wedding present. I would have been so sad! Then we were finally on that plane, one of those hurry-up-and-wait feelings, and a little way into the flight I got out my water bottle for a drink. That air pressure, though. Suddenly my water bottle was like Old Faithful, and water sprayed the ceiling and our nice neighbors in front of us and soaked me. It took me way too long to stop it from happening, too - I was too shocked, and just stared at that spraying fountain in front of me. Then I told Michael that my water broke. On the bright side, I was happy to be soaked... I am almost always hot these days!

After all that craziness, we made it to Salt Lake City and met up with Michael's family. On Thursday we hiked Ensign Peak and I just soaked up those mountain views. Mountains are so incredibly beautiful and comforting to me. It's crazy how much I miss the feeling of getting up high on a mountain and getting a good view of what's around me.

Doesn't Rachel look beautiful? Michael's sisters are so gorgeous, inside and out. It was so fun to celebrate with her on her wedding day. Spencer is a lucky guy, and Rachel lucked out too. They are both so great.

Our little baby hit 32 weeks just before the wedding, growing every day! I think he loved his first trip to Utah. I love being at weddings with Michael and remembering our own wedding day. I love him!

Our baby boy has two cousins following close behind him - me and two of Michael's sisters are due in November, then December, then January. We were quite a sight climbing Ensign Peak together, especially considering that we somehow all followed the kids up the steep side of the mountain rather than the actual trail for the last part of the hike. 

My nephew Ben. He entertained me during the reception with all his tricks and jokes, which are many. I just love having nieces and nephews, and they all LOVE having an Uncle Michael. He is constantly surrounded by kiddos whenever we are with either of our families. He would rather play on a playground than sit and chat any day, so it's a win for everyone.

After all the wedding festivities we spent Saturday with my family in Lehi at my brother's house. They have a sweet new little boy, Jonas, that we hadn't met yet so we were so happy we could have a quick visit with them. 

I'm considering just borrowing my brother's family for my Christmas card this year. I mean, look at that picture above. We're even spontaneously and perfectly framed by foam swords. With the dog, too. Picture perfect.

One of Jenny's friends was so nice to snap a picture of us all together on Sunday morning before Michael and I flew back to Indiana. It's hard to get a current family picture these days - this one will already be outdated once our little man joins us next month! But I love having pictures of all our different stages, even though once we have a new member of the family we can't really imagine life before or without them.

Family is everything to me. Sometimes this blog is full of things we're doing or places we're visiting or any other random but happy part of life. But in the end, this is all that matters to me. Michael and I are both so lucky to have wonderful, loving families. We are so lucky to now each be a part of both of our families. I believe that the entire reason I am on this earth is to do what it is I need to do so that I can be with my family forever, including with my Heavenly parents. I believe making it to that point comes from trying to be like Jesus Christ, and following His plan. If you want to know more about what I believe about families, you can read THIS, or watch THIS, or ask me anytime. 

Thank you, Daetwylers and Miners, for our fun weekend together! We love you!