Home is feeling Homey

This week we started putting our Christmas decorations up, and I was instantly overcome with how much different it felt around here when I stopped with the big projects and worked on the details for a bit. So, after the Christmas stuff, I hung things on our walls for the first time (except Camden's room -- lucky guy had a finished room pretty quick here!). Now there are some familiar scenes around here and I have been surprised at how much more homey it feels. Christmas time will do that to you, too. On top of that homey feeling, I was set apart for my new calling in Relief Society today and I was blessed that I will "develop many meaningful and lasting friendships" with women here. That blessing instantly made me feel more at home too -- or at least, the promise of feeling at home. Covid has slowed our transition into Fort Collins but it's been ok. But I didn't know how much I was craving that sense of belonging until I was promised it would come. I really know it will. I feel like we are where we're supposed to be, and that has taken away so much of the transition stress as we slowly (oh so slowly) get to know people in our neighborhood and church.

Michael:
was busier at work this week. He'll always have busy Decembers and this proved to be true this year. He really likes his job and his coworkers and his routine and schedule. He built a stool this week, and now I'm painting/staining it before he'll build the final steps. It's beautiful! I am impressed at how quickly he learned how to make a pocket hole joint. Then on Saturday we went to an Amish Furniture Store so we could drool over some well-made pieces, and we saw a little infographic about how pocket hole screws are cheap and fast and dowel joints are the true builders way. Thanks Amish, for stealing that thunder. Jk, we're still really happy with our stool. And now Bennett won't have to scale the vanity doors in their bathroom and hang on the edge of the counter to brush his teeth, which, we did not know he was doing until we witnessed it recently. And he's only been shorter those other months in this house, so. Bennett is not one to complain.

Maddie:
felt consumed by my friend Kindal's pain this week. She experienced unimaginable loss and my heart has just been aching for her. She was 17 weeks along with a little boy when she lost that sweet baby and I haven't been able to think of much else. So much in life doesn't make any sense. I used to think everything happened for a reason but I'm years away from that belief and now I just think there are some coping mechanisms that are vital for us to learn so we can keep faith and peace through the hardships of this world. I think God is there to love us, not punish us, and that so much of our heartache in this life is just our necessary walk through a lone and dreary world. But it doesn't mean all of the dreary comes from God or is here for a reason or is reflective of anything about us. It's sometimes more depressing to see a lack of fate that way but there's just no explaining most of life's heartache. Anyways, I felt like I was drowning extra this week in making food, cleaning up food, laundry, and answering "mom" a million times, but all of it was just a blur because my heart was with Kindal.

Westin:
I felt a little defeated by virtual learning this week -- Westin just always needed help finding something every time I would try to get into a project, which is never too successful anyway because #Camden, and he's also having an even harder time with it this time around since we still walk Bennett to school two days a week but he never gets to go. I love hearing him do the pledge, and their school motto, and participate in class. On Friday they had their weekly STEM meeting and heard from a neuroscientist this time. I was only half paying attention to the call when Westin came in the kitchen and asked me for a carrot to eat. Apparently he had just learned that they are good for his brain and eyes, so I gave him a big carrot and he chomped on it all through the rest of the call. (On mute... we're not amateurs.) (Sometimes though, we are.) Westin loved cleaning the church on Saturday. He went with Michael and Bennett went with me, and Camden stayed strapped to my back, and we sanitized every handle in that building like they've never seen. Well, they see that every day now.

Bennett:
is almost a pro now at counting to ten, except he always replaces Seven with Eleven. We'll take it! I mean, we correct him and he'll get it, but we'll take it. We've been working on that so long, so hard. I haven't quite figured out how Bennett learns or what he is interested in learning -- he is soo easygoing that we are now entering a phase where he needs to learn about advocating for himself and applying himself. He's so pure hearted. Figuring the ins and outs of each child's personality is the parenting that keeps me awake at night. They need such different things from me, and there's always someone I'm failing around here. It's a horrible way to look at things, but from 11:30pm on it just really is the way I look at things. Bennett is so sweet to Camden and such a helper to me. I took him on a date on Saturday to pick out a present for Westin, and well, since I'm 100% sure Westin doesn't read my blog we'll just put this Christmas spoiler in here... he saw a racetrack that does a loop before taking off into the mouth of a great white shark and if you know Bennett you know he basically couldn't function once he'd seen that. He wanted a little trampoline, then a big green race car, but then when he saw that jump the shark deal he just couldn't take his fingers off of it. He only semi-understood the purpose of the entire outing too, because he keeps asking to play with it. I told him to keep it a surprise for Westin and not tell, and he did kind of get that part, except he came right in and said, "You can't know what it is but IT EATS FISHIES!" So, I mean... there's that. Once my brother and sister asked me what I was getting for them for Christmas and I yelled "Cookies!" And they told me I wasn't supposed to tell and I burst into tears. Bennett had a much different reaction (nonreaction) to learning he wasn't supposed to say anything.

Camden:
Putting Camden to bed is hilarious. He HATES getting his clothes and diaper changed so there's always big tears and crying, and he hates being taken out of his brothers' room when stories and prayers are done, so there's another layer of emotional feelings. So by the time it's time to lay him down, he's crying pretty good and if you put him down like that he never really calms himself down. BUT if you can just get him laughing before laying him down, you're set. So right now that typically means lots of mom playing peek-a-boo over daddy's shoulders, but one night this week Michael was on a call with a patient and I was solo. He kept crying and crying and finally I just started spinning around as fast as I could because I figured you can only be so emotional before dizzy is going to become the primary feeling. And that was true and he instantly stopped crying, laid on my shoulder for a while, said "bye-bye" and I laid him down for bed. It was so funny to me. Oh he's sweet. He still wears his little zipadee zip to bed which makes him look like a flying squirrel, and if I pretend to take him out of daddy's arms when he's about to go down he slaps at me, and it basically feels like being slapped in the face by a penguin wing. And I love penguins so it only adds to the cuteness.

Also I just realized typing that out that the one night I put Camden to bed by myself was an anomaly, which is just another one of those moments where it hits me how much my life has changed. I have eaten so many dinners and done so many bedtimes alone with my kids. Those are not the norm anymore and sometimes I could still just cry about it.

We made cinnamon rolls for the Christmas devotional. I decided that's a perfectly timed tradition because then it's easy to make them during the day and eat them hot all together while we watch the devotional. Then while we were eating them Westin said, "What's that word... for things we always do?" I said, "Tradition?" He said, "Yeah, I want this to be one of those." Bless him for that one.

Michael made Tom Ka Gai soup and it was SO GOOD and I think we're also adding that to our devotional tradition. Eating this then eating a cinnamon roll just felt like having a hug for a meal. So good.

Devotional while we ate.

This was my view during church -- Camden about to go down for a nap, boys in and out of listening or playing with legos, making cinnamon rolls while listening to speakers...
it went MUCH better than our in person experience last week when I kept trying to mouth "SIT DOWN!" to Bennett and Westin from the foyer while Michael spoke, since I had to take Camden out. Mouthing "SIT DOWN!" means nothing when you're wearing a mask.

I ordered a rug for this area months ago and hated it the second I rolled it out,
so then I've been putting off replacing it. Finally decided on this one and I've loved it all week.

This scooter CRAWLED this week for the first time,
but he still prefers that booty scoot when he's on a mission.

Little elf helping with the school gift drive.
His personality just cracks me up. 

Eating a carrot after the neuroscientist told him it would help his brain and eyes.
I hope he noticed Westin's immediate application of that lesson.

I have no idea what these two are talking about under there but I love them.

Sometimes I send Becca pictures that look like this just so I can complain about this stage a little.
She's the best.

Sweet Kindal. On my mind so much this week.

Kitty usually avoids the boys but Westin must be growing up enough for her to consider his show-watching self a potential lap to sleep on.

This encounter... did not last nearly as long.

We still have our baby tree this year.
I am so, so tired of trying to figure out what to put where in our house,
what to buy now and wait on, what to save on or splurge on, what to commit to or keep waiting to decide on, etc etc etc. I know that is so extremely a first world problem and I feel so blessed to have a warm safe home for my kids. But putting up this tiny tree and not even thinking about getting a different one this year was super relieving to me. We will probably always have our tree in our piano room, but I love being by a tree at night, so I was happy this one is small enough to be in here with us this year. Maybe it will always live in this spot at Christmas time, I don't know.
No more decisions.

We used all our lights from Fresno but we DID have to buy two little strands for the tree by the door, plus  a taller ladder to get them up.
And I bought it alone with Camden and drove home with my van trunk open and that entire process from beginning to end was one of my least favorite epsiodes of my life.
Again, first world problems. But it was ridiculous carrying a 24-foot (expands to that size) ladder while pushing a baby in a cart and then loading it in as best as I could and driving home like that.
But it's done. 

Westin did a ton of the tree decorating Because Camden was in a "hold me and do nothing else but I'm still going to cry, just not as much as if you weren't holding me AT ALL" moods. After he was almost done he looked at me and said, "Well, did I basically do all this?" And I think he felt the way I feel every time we eat dinner.

Such a happy bonus when daddy comes home for lunch!