Still January.

Michael:
and I have decided not to stay in Fresno. It was always an option up until this week but through so much prayer and thinking and prayer and talking we just feel like we're meant to make a change. Specifics are still in the works but I do feel like there's been a shift with knowing these are my last 6 months here. He went to a dinner this week with his coresidents and had a lot of fun with them. He works with really fun people and great attendings and I'm continuously so grateful for that. He taught Westin's Sunday school class which Westin was thrilled about. We've been catching up on Modern Family at night and I love laughing at that show together. He is going to be vegetarian for the month of February, so, gearing up for that I guess. Oh food.

Maddie:
I saw a meme online that said it was January 74th and I just felt that so deeply. How is December so, so quick and January is sooooo long? I have started listening to Revisionist History and I really like that podcast. So many ways to look at things in this world. Our personal experiences frame so much of our interpretations, and it's just impossible to fully understand each other sometimes. I'm just so intrigued by the way it feels like our political climate is continually more and more polarized, and I just think we all feel things so deeply even when they're the opposite of each other. It's so interesting to me. I feel like health is my part time job right now between the food we're trying to eat and the walking we're doing and my physical therapy appointments. My kids and my own physical health and spiritual health are the only things I am accomplishing right now. I think that's ok. But it sure feels mind blowing to exhaustedly make it to the end of a day and have "only" accomplished those things. What a stage.
I was able to go to Relief Society today because priesthood taught all of primary so that all of the sisters in our ward could go hear Brooke Babcock's special talk about her life. She's lost two babies and her experiences of leaning on the Lord had us all in tears. I'm so grateful for my little family and grateful that all will be made right someday.
Tonight we're having the Ryans over and I just love when we are able to spend time with Emily's family.

Westin:
is an inquisitive little soul and has THE BEST memory. For example. There's a song on the radio we've heard just one time that says "I really wish I didn't like you" and when we heard that Westin said, "Well that wasn't very nice!" So I told him he was right and changed the song. Then weeks later we heard that song again and he said, "Oh, that's the not nice song, that we heard in the van when we were driving home from the party at the church." It was so long ago, and he knew exactly when and where he heard it. He has been asking for pepper on lots of food lately, and is such an observant eater. We've started reading chapter books together and finished a Mercy Watson book and almost finished Toys Go Out. I really love reading to him. He is my buddy.

Bennett:

is working so hard at speech therapy and it's so cute. He now goes without anyone else there but him, since Westin's at school and his therapist prefers that Bennett be one on one with her now. He's doing great with that, and I take Camden on a walk around the nearby park during his 45-minute session. Bennett follows Westin around and does whatever he does. It really is so sweet to watch their relationship. I once heard that you should try and never be the first one to break a hug with your child. And I really do try that, but sometimes it's literally impossible with Bennett! That sweet boy would hug all day. He's such a lover. I love his long squeezes and cuddling when we read books and when he says "Me too cold!" and grabs his blankies to cuddle on the couch. He eats his favorite food on his plate first thing, working his way down to the worst. One of the few opposite differences between him and Westin :)

Camden:

Tried his first food! And promptly spit out his first food. Always the most anticlimactic milestone, in my opinion. We took him to the doctor for his six month check up and he's 30 percentile for weight, 30 percentile for height, and 50 percentile for his head size. Our littlest man for sure! He weighs just over 16 pounds. I think that's what Bennett weighed at his two month appointment. Everyone thinks he looks exactly like Westin, which I've felt like all along, and it's just becoming more so as time passes. We think he has brown eyes but it's still just a unique color, not dark dark brown like Westin's but not light like Bennett's. He's an angel. He's been sleeping some 8-9 hour stretches on his one-feed nights, though sometimes we're feeding twice and doing some shorter stretches. Both feel manageable though. He's such a happy, sweet little guy!

Sunday bread!

We love this bush on our walk.
Any plant that provides happy yellow flowers mid winter is a good plant.

Sometimes I leave multiple laundry loads folded on my bed so I can feel accomplished the rest of the day when I see it.
But mostly I just don't have the energy to put it away after I fold it all,
so it hangs out there for a bit.

Oh this boy.

Bennett is always on one :)

Bennett has fully entered Duplo creation world.
We keep finding little Duplo animals stashed away in little box creations he leaves all around.

I just love watching Camden watch his hands.

First food!

Grandma and Grandpa Days

We were so lucky to have my parents here all week. The boys are in heaven with grandparents around. I was grateful that they let me keep on with my Clean Simple Eats recipes the whole time they were here -- they were good sports. We had some recipe winners but also some rough moments too (looking at you, cinnamon roll oatmeal). Westin loved walking to school and back with my dad each day. They loved stories with grandpa. We went to the zoo all together on Saturday, and had a pizza & movie night (finally watched the live action Aladdin, and I have to admit it was much different than I expected). We are still keeping up with some new years resolutioning around here and I am learning that the basics seriously change everything. I don't know why that's so hard to learn. I've only listened to thousands of talks and meetings in life about how important the basics (daily prayer/mediation, daily scriptures, intentional time with each other, etc) are. Why is it so hard to drink all the water you're supposed to while reading to your kids enough while meditating frequently while getting dinner on the table while being home and still getting out while giving your kids structured building activities while letting them have free play time while eating healthy while getting outside while letting your kids be bored sometimes while fostering their relationship while letting their relationship be what it is while getting enough sleep while treasuring moments to hold your baby while getting something done while being present while constantly planning...

Oh, that's why.

But I was cutting up an onion today and realized that really truly, this is what I've always wanted my life to be. That doesn't mean I love all parts of it, and it doesn't mean I don't want other things. But it does mean that I'm really grateful for just so, so much.

My favorite moment of the whole week was during the last 20 minutes of church, when I'd been carrying Camden around in my arms and I'd done a thousand things that morning. Getting from point A (three kiddos in bed) to point B (husband off to the hospital, parents on the road home to Utah, three kiddos clean and in church clothes and fed and primary set up and sacrament meeting accomplished and talking with all new primary callings people and getting primary started) felt like a marathon and suddenly there was 20 minutes left, the little baby in my arms had fallen asleep, everything in my control was taken care of, and I went to the mother's lounge, turned on the chapel microphone to hear Sunday School, turned out the lights, and listened to the lesson as I rocked my sleeping baby, just the two of us alone. Camden is my little light right now. My simple in the big change. My sweet through the crazy. It's probably not a secret that it would have been really exciting to have a girl after two boys. But now when people make three boy comments (because they sure do, from pregnancy through now), I just make it a point to tell them I am so thrilled with this life. There is no one but Camden who should be here with me right now and I love him with all my heart. Boys are loud and a lot and always hungry. But oh man, I love them and I love having a baby right now.

He is six months old today, and I didn't realize that until this moment, and I could cry about it if I just let myself. But we'll just focus back on all that grateful stuff I was saying before instead.

Hitting the streets with my crew.
I am now a full on power-walking mom for a few reasons,
and these guys think biking by me is way more fun than a power walk.

Popcorn and Book of Mormon movies.

Grandpa walked Westin to school and back every day this week,
and Westin was in heaven. He loved stopping to watch the tractors...
although we are still heartbroken that this is where our beloved orange orchard used to be.

I love this stage with sweet Camden. Such a smiley sweet soul.

Grandpa has lots of funny videos up his sleeve.

It was too quiet for too long, so I asked Bennett what he was doing from the other room.
"I don't know!"
So I went and checked on him and he immediately tossed my phone to the side on the couch.
Then I found over 20 pictures and videos that look like this, haha.
I know every parent has had that experience, but it was my first time because Westin would NEVER do that.
They are so different.

If Bennett needed glasses, I think we'd legitimately get him the same size as Michael.

Looked out over my kitchen counter to this view.
Bennett is just in his own happy, funny, always-a-party world.

So many stories with sweet grandpa.

Always building! These magnets are the best toy in our house, followed by our duplos.
I legitimately wonder if we wouldn't be better off trading ALL our toys for more magnets, duplos, and books.
That's all we need in this play world.

This made me cry laughing.
I would absolutely, absolutely do this.
Ask me how many times I have grabbed my sister's ankle in a public restroom.

This too. Mom life is rough.

I told Westin this was the last time I'd buy him lettuce at the giraffes at the Fresno zoo.
He's never dared to feed the giraffes in our 3.5 years here. But once he realized it was his final shot,
he fearlessly went up and fed those giraffes that romaine.

Ridin' dirty at the zoo. This is going to be real life before I know it.
I'm not ok with that.

Three Date Day

I took hardly any pictures this week, but it's been a great one! I love getting back to routine.

 My parents came on Thursday which is always so fun.

Michael went back to work on a regular schedule and Westin went back to school. One was more excited than the other. Bennett had his IEP meeting and starts speech therapy officially with the school district next week. Camden is stinkin' cute.

My parents arrived on Thursday. Soon after that my mom had a little mishap... and I just asked her if I was allowed to write the details and she has agreed, so... I just have to.

She was on her hands and knees making Camden laugh in his little baby seat. Then she said, "They say if you can stand up without using your hands then you're still in shape!" And then did that. And then fell over mid-try, slightly onto Camden in his baby seat then onto the ground. Oh man. We heard her foot pop a little and it was swollen and red, and Camden was totally fine. She had it x-rayed the next day since she recently fractured her wrist and did not expect it to be actually fractured, but luckily her foot looked good.

After knowing she was good, and all was well... we just can't help but laugh about it now. She told her sisters the story about what she said before she fell and her sister said, "Well, I guess you got your answer." Haha so sad and funny and just a bummer. But she's walking more every day.

Saturday was our date day! Michael is on call next weekend and they're leaving then, so it was our one chance to pack in some time together. We went to the temple in the morning and did some sealings, then did an early dinner together (such a yummy salmon salad and bleu cheese burger, always half and halfing our meals), then an early-ish movie to Knives Out. All with coming home and feeding Camden between everything, that little bottle-strike boy. I haven't given him a bottle since October and now I'm paying for it because he does not remember at all how to take one.

Michael and I haven't spent that much time alone together in ages. I am so grateful for him. He's a rock through my anxious times, positive in my stressed times, always helpful and handy and resourceful and smart, such a fun dad, and there's just so much good in Michael. I'm so grateful for him. I know I said that twice.

Other than that I'm just trying to keep on working on all the basics for my new years resolution and it has been a great 12 days because of it! How do we bottle that January energy and use it all year?! I'm using this awesome goal tracker sheet and hopefully it'll help.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

2020.

This number has been in our head for years and years!

We had a great New Years week and I LOVE the feeling of a fresh start.

Michael:

Had a great schedule this week too thanks to their clinic move and the time off he had on the holidays. We loved his holiday schedule so much. It was so nice to have him home a lot more than last year. On Monday we all went to a Feline Rescue Center close to the entrance of Sequoia National Park, then to the taco truck on the way home. On New Years Day we hiked Pincushion Peak. We did this same hike the day after Christmas our first year here, and we didn't make it to the top of the trail. I had just had Bennett two months before, and Westin was in a backpack on Michael, and we were just in a different place physically and mentally. It felt fun to go back and be at a different stage and go to the top of the mountain and have a fun day outside with our cute boys. Michael also made fried plantains in our air fryer this week with a cilantro yogurt dip. It's been fun to try new things with our air fryer lately.

Maddie:

I love New Years and new goals! This is my year of just focusing on the basics. My only goal is to read the scriptures every day this year. I also have a goal tracker I printed out to give me a visual of the basics I'm accomplishing each day. I'm at a stage in life when the physical basics for me and my boys sometimes takes a ridiculous amount of time, and I'm done having that feel like I did "nothing" with my day. So I have a physical daily/weekly/monthly checklist by my bed now so that I can SEE when I do or don't exercise, drink water, take all our vitamins, read the scriptures, read The Friend, read 5 other books, have 10 minutes one on one intentional time with each boy, go for a walk, wash my face, say my prayers, etc, etc, so that if those are the only things I do in a day, at least I can see that we did accomplish something rather than get to 10pm and think, "What did I even do today?" #momlife

Westin:

was excited to move to Sister Wallwork's class today and to sit behind Bennett in primary now. I can't believe he's 5! He loved our hike and loved having dad home so much lately. He's also really happy to get back to school this week :) He loves both. I love that he loves both. My favorite Westin moment this week was when Michael did a mystery shop delivery for Five Guys, and Westin said, "Hmm.... these fries taste like the restaurant's fries that is by the movie theater and the ice cream place." He's describing Five Guys, and we haven't been there in maybe a year. His taste buds and his memory are seriously awesome. I love Michael. But Westin didn't get his taste buds from his dad. Hahaha. We are just always so intrigued by his relationship with food. Recently he told me that he likes to think of a number with food, "1 means I don't like it at all, 2 means it's ok, 3 means kinda like it, 4 means really like it, and 6 is watermelon". For some reference, we've learned that corn on the cob and salmon and caesar salad (birthday meal) are all 4. Chocolate chip cookies are 3. Mushrooms are 1. Cous cous is 4, chocolate cake is 3, raspberries are a rare 5, yogurt parfaits are 3. Anyways, he's got a whole system in his brain and the boy loves food. As long as it's not spicy.

Bennett:

My little sunbeam! I can't believe he's not in nursery anymore. I feel like we just barely got him to stay in there without us. Sigh. We had a dog named Luna for two weeks in December. Bennett LOVED her. When her family came to get her he said, "No that's my heh-heh!" Still using sounds for the names of animals. Sticking his little tongue out and panting like a dog instead of just saying dog. Speaking of which, we have a meeting this week to get his IEP sorted out and start speech therapy with the school district :) Sweet Bennett, we want to understand you more! Bennett had some melt downs over the holidays when we skipped his nap, since Westin is up all day now. We never (almost never) skipped nap time for Westin for like 4.5 years, Bennett is just at a different spot in the family and life is changing! And I realized that we still need to let him be 3 even when life starts moving faster. But also.... lots of three year olds don't take naps still so, there's that too :) I'm glad we've been more diligent about reading multiple books together every single day this week. It shouldn't be hard to fit that in but sometimes we just go so much that by the time bedtime rolls around we're too tired for that part. But we're finding reading time earlier in our days to make sure it doesn't get forgotten. I love when I hand Bennett a banana and he starts singing "Bananaphone" in his funny old many voice, or how he sings Baby Shark randomly (his own little version). Bennett keeps us laughing.

Camden:

Looking more like Westin all the time! Man, Camden is just pure sweetness and I love having a little 5-month-old baby around. He's either sleeping, eating, happy in his bumbo, happy in his monkey seat, happy in the car seat, happy on a walk, or fussing a little in any of those places if it's almost time for nap time again. He's eating twice a night, though sometimes just once. He always smiles so big at Westin and Bennett. He had a hard time with our new earlier church time today since it's right during his morning nap, poor cutie. He's so sweet and I can't wait for when he starts giving kisses and reaching for me. Those are the beeeeest milestones. No rolling yet. I think we're forecasted to slowly hit rolling, crawling, and walking, just like his older brothers. Fine by me -- I'd be just fine if he wasn't walking when we pack up our whole house in July! Haha maybe that's selfish :) Such a cute boy and I love being his mom soooo much.

Little Luna!

White Tiger 

Mountain Lion

Jaguars

Mountain Lion

Bennett would just grab onto Luna's collar and make sure they went everywhere together.
He loooooves animals.

Heading up to Pincushion Peak

Pincushion Peak

Snoozy Boy

Oh man, I love this little guy. Stay small, Cam Cam.