Back to Basics

We said goodbye to Aunt Ali on Monday and we miss her! It was so fun having her here for a little while. For her last day here we walked to the donut shop near our house and then ate them at the park nearby. The boys loved having her here so much!

Michael:

Got home before 6pm one day this week, which is maybe the first time that has happened in 3 months and it was so fun! We love hearing his truck pull in the driveway so much. He took me on a date Saturday to get Thai food and then birthday shop for Bennett (we had no luck -- what does a happy 2-year-old with no unmet needs get for his birthday??), then we ate ice cream at River Park. Dates with him are the very best. Residency has obvious cons. But the biggest pro to me is the way it is showing Michael and I how much we love each other and how hard we're both willing to work to have a good life for ourselves and our family. I feel like we work hard and play hard and it makes for so much happiness together. Happiness isn't free of hard times or times that we work hard for it, but I'm so grateful for the life we have. Well, that got sentimental fast!

Maddie:

always has to adjust to routine motherhood life after vacations and visitors. Those things are breaths of fresh air to me, and I have to build up my routine endurance again. So this week as a little slow but we're slowly getting back to prioritizing the right things and being consistent with the things we should. My favorite parts of the week were date night and scripture class, and I actually loved taking both boys to the dentist -- they were adorable. The worst part of my week was getting lost and dazed by following the news. I am always battling the right balance of staying informed and staying in a present mindset with my boys. This week was so hard in that regard.

Westin:

was such a big boy at the dentist (our last visit was not great...) and showed Bennett how to do a good job. He felt really big and had a great attitude and Bennett followed his example completely, and it was one of those moments where I think back on how hard life felt just one year ago and how far we've come. It makes me realize that I really shouldn't sweat the small stuff and I need to soak up little moment with these cute boys as much as possible. Westin's preschool teacher told me that he has wonderful manners and that he is so kind. She said he asked her if he could try to make a girl feel better who was having a hard time being at school that day. There's also a little girl who really likes being by him and talks a lot to him when they're next to each other, so the teachers split them up for circle time. During the next activity she wanted to sit by him, and he told his teacher, "I think we should give her another chance." I love this cute, kind boy. We may have lots of anger management to figure out at home with him still but he's learning, and the only thing I care about him learning and doing at school right now is being kind to others. The rest will come, but being kind is the best thing to teach my kids right now.

Bennett:

had his last full week of being 1 and I can hardly believe that. We moved here with Bennett in my belly and here he is almost 2 years old. He has such a fun and happy disposition. I love him so much. My favorite thing he does right now is copy all your intonation even if he can't repeat the words you're telling him, and I love when he fills in the gaps with his own little language. He cried when our babysitter arrived Saturday night, but he stopped crying before we had even left for our date and was fine the whole time we were gone. Such a sweetie.

Preschool with Sunbeam Friends

Bennett feels so big with this crew.

Westin loves having help to spell names of friends and family right now. He thinks Michael is a tricky one :)

Our friend Mara was at the dentist the same time we went! These two had fun playing during Bennett's appointment.

He was pretty unsure but just went with it. Bennett is such a sweet, trusting soul.

I was honestly shocked Westin went along with this. Maybe four really will be as magical as everyone says it is? We are working through the anger he responds to big emotions with and I think it's fading away a little day by day.

Whenever Bennett skips his high chair I suddenly see these two boys as growing brothers,
and it makes me simultaneously happy and sad.

Bennett has discovered my Shutterfly yearbooks and birthday chatbooks and he's OBSESSED.
I find him like this all the time now.

Story time fun

Emma brought me a beautiful birthday cake!

My sweet friend Ali brought over a cute metal D that will someday be a decoration around here,
but right now Westin loves covering it with his magnets.

I need to take a better picture of these out of their package,
but I'm so in love with Westin's school pictures.

Mornings with Mommy

Westin's cute friend Tate let him borrow his Lightning McQueen costume for Halloween,
and Westin loves wearing it around.

Even on walks :)

And Bennett even brought a yearbook... :)

Donut Day at the park

The cooler didn't get put away fast enough after our Yosemite trip before it became a toy.
Or a piece of furniture? But it's back in the garage now. And after it had been there a day Westin said, "Mom, can you get my ukelele out of the hiking box?" I was confused and he brought me to the cooler in the garage. I opened it up and there was his ukelele. I think it's so funny how well he remembers where he puts things sometimes.

The reason Bennett knows about the yearbooks now! Haha but I love it.

I shared this on Facebook this week. I'm constantly learning that the best way for me to manage the thoughts and feelings that spin around inside me is to just write.

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The first thing I said out loud after a man trespassed into my high school and sexually assaulted me was, “...did he mean to do that?” (Why would he intentionally do that?)

It wasn’t until after I had to uncomfortably watch the footage in the principal’s office, alone with two adult males, that I realized the absurdity of making any excuses for his actions. (Why didn’t I make a scene when it happened? Why didn’t I tell someone right away?)

It wasn’t until I saw that man’s wife and baby at court the day I had to show up for the case against him that I realized there must have been countless more painful excuses made for him up to that point. (When will he stop causing her pain?)

Then on I went into the years I spent meeting and dating boys through countless uncomfortable to worrisome experiences that are honestly defined as normal. That first date unexpectedly spent watching a movie in a guy’s bedroom I barely knew after repeatedly telling him I’d like to go home. (Why is he not listening to me?) (Am I even safe right now?) The time I ironically had to drop my Self-Defense course because of how fearful I was during the first week of walks home across campus in the dark. (Should I be here?) All the other safety measures girls take every day to be safe, second nature. (Did I check under my car? Is my hair in a ponytail?) All the times dating felt indescribably more vulnerable on my end than any boy’s. (Should I just ask him if we can meet somewhere public instead?)

This week left me dazed and raw. I’m done asking questions like those above. It’s time to be louder. I’ve never felt more closely bonded to every other female. Something big is happening, but the crushing part of it all is wondering if it truly ever actually can. There’s no counting how many of us cried watching Dr. Ford’s testimony. So many shared her tears and something else indescribable. And somehow her voice STILL wasn’t heard. Not even enough to take someone out of a job interview process. Not even when his voice alone should be enough to take him out on his own accord, with his hysterical responses and demeaning disposition. I’ve tried staring at this from all sides — maybe he really doesn’t remember? Not enough. Maybe he didn’t do it? I can’t watch her testimony and believe that. She came forward at an opportune time? There is no opportunity for her here. She should’ve come forward sooner? NO ONE knows her circumstances or gets to call that (even if you’re the POTUS and honestly ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE THE POTUS). He should no longer be considered for this honor, and she should not have to go through this hell.

I’m so ready to vote for strong women. I’ve met more good men in my life than those who made me feel the ways I listed above — and I hope they’re ready to do the same. Because that is a crucial part of what we desperately need right now.