Eight Years and No More Call!

This week Michael and I had our eighth anniversary. Eight years!
I love him so much. We did not hit the town, we didn't eat our traditional dessert, we didn't get each other presents. But we did make pad thai, bake some cookies from the freezer, watch our wedding video with our boys, and have a date night in together. Eight years.

On Monday I went straight to an Urgent Care on Michael's day off because my wrist has been bothering me so much, and worsened a lot that weekend. A few weeks ago I started doing yoga the same day I started adding push ups to my daily diastasis recti routine, and my wrist started bothering me that week. Then later I decided to make headstands a random COVID time goal. One day I came out of a headstand frontwards instead of gracefully (it's still a new skill... working on it) and I knew I did something funny to my wrist. I gave it another week or so and every day it was getting worse, until last Sunday night I had to lay down after dinner because the pain was making me nauseous. So on Monday I went first thing to get it checked out. The doctor at the urgent care said it was fractured and to wear a brace for six weeks. I called later to get a copy of my x rays sent to me, and they said a radiologist had looked and didn't see a fracture. I was so happy!!! So then they said to wear the brace a week and see how it feels. But it's been that long and it is still so painful. We still haven't seen my x rays but hopefully we can soon.

Camden boy has been a horrible sleeper lately. For some reason when we put him to bed he's treating that like a nap instead of the night, and somehow he's up again just a little while later. When I nurse him and put him back down he won't go to sleep, and has just gotten back up with us a few times when we're watching a show or getting ready for bed. He's done a few good stretches after that, but also a few nights of being wide awake for 90+ min in the night, even after I do everything to put him back down. He sure is a sweetheart and I feel so incredibly bonded to him. But he's my worst sleeper at 9 months old and it has me feeling tired!

Speaking of tired, Michael is on his LAST week of call in residency! At 7am Monday morning he is done, done done taking call during residency. I know he'll take call throughout life, but he was talking with me a few days ago about how different that will be than navigating first call/second call, involving/not involving your attending, etc. Plus he'll get paid. So I mean, that'll be a nice change. His last week of call sure went out on a memorable note though. It involved doing CPR in full PPE and some other details I won't share, but he's always going to remember that night for sure. I'm amazed at all Michael does.

Westin is so full of questions lately. Constantly trying to understand more. Lately he's so focused on the difference between a lie and a joke, a secret and a surprise, a rule you keep (don't hit your brother) vs a rule we didn't keep (crossing a bridge on our hike that said it was closed, but clearly it meant closed when the waterfall is going over the bridge and not when it's not -- he was so concerned about us "breaking" that sign's rule and still talks about it). He's always asking us how fast we're driving whenever he sees a speed limit sign posted. He is sorting out the world. We keep having conversations about perfectionism and being perfect. He loves when I teach him that we all make mistakes and that Christ will make things right after we repent and do our best. Then he talks about how even Christ makes mistakes, and when I teach him that actually Christ is our perfect example and didn't make any, I can tell he is almost pained by that. He wants to be perfect now. His five-year-old little soul is Daetwyler through and through. I'm a perfectionist, but Michael is a perfectionist. I can't explain it. I just know it. Michael's mom always says, "A Daetwyler is always right, even when they're wrong" and it's mostly a joke but only because it's mostly true. Westin has a blessing and a curse of wanting to do his best, be his best, know what's best. He even wants to know what food on his plate is "the best for me" at almost every meal. And I tell him that different foods do different good things, and he just wants a straight answer. I can already tell my job is just to love him through all this and teach him to love himself through all this. He'll be doing the pushing and the reaching and the trying, all on his own. I'm here to let him know he's so loved, by me right now and by a Savior that's going to make up the inevitable differences. He tells me sometimes once a day that he's nervous about making new friends when we move. I tell him that I am too, and that luckily we have each other. I tell him that school and neighborhoods and church give us lots of help with making new friends, and that our family will be each other's best friends. He prays to find friends when he moves, prays for daddy at work, says thank you for the earth and the scriptures and family. He has so much figured out for such a little person. I just have to make sure I don't hold all of him to too high of a standard because of it. So much of him is still very much five years old.

Bennett is pure love, so much heart. I could list countless moments that illustrate just how much he loves. During a prayer this week when Michael prompted "Thank you for mama" Bennett paused after mama to give me a kiss during the prayer. Whenever you are hurrying him or frustrated about something, he pauses to look at you and laugh to make sure you laugh back. The sweetest, most pure little forced laugh that's just asking "Are things ok? We're happy, right?" Because Bennett knows we should be happy. He loves making baby Camden laugh. He loves Kitty but inevitably ends up chasing her around after she lets him pet her for a bit. He belly laughs at Westin's antics every morning when they play in their room before the day has fully started. He loves to follow Westin's example, in so many ways. He's constantly telling stories about Great White Sharks and Alligators right now, alway talking about them "in the Yadduh" (Water), and he's obsessed with animals. If he doesn't like a food he needs you to feed him, but he'll always eat anything. He often still falls asleep during quiet time, and when I wake him up after he is so out of it and sweet. He goes to bed so well, whether he took a nap or not. He loves sharing a room with Westin. They laugh and laugh after we put them down, and then fall asleep about 15 minutes after that. I am so comforted when I think of the fact that they will always have each other, through moving and whatever else life brings. He started using a big potty this week because we got tired of his little one. That doesn't sound like a big change. But anytime your kid takes yet another step towards being big, when you didn't realize the time before that change was another "last", it just makes you think. So many lasts happen without knowing they left for good.

I loved reading books in bed Sunday morning to Westin and Bennett after Michael went to the hospital and while Camden was still asleep. Reading with them feels like the best pause. I love seeing what books they choose and hearing Westin sound out the words and seeing Bennett point to different pictures and repeat what I say.

I am in the thick of young mom life, and it's hard. But I hear my sister's worries as she gets her new little baby through each newborn week, and I can already feel it -- it goes by fast. That doesn't make the hard easier necessarily, but I think it does make the sweet sweeter. We've slowed down, like everyone has, and there's so much more sweet to see than I had been catching before. I know that this virus is a tragedy for so many, physically or economically or mentally or all the above. But I feel like this is the most I've ever felt collective divine intervention in people's lives. We have been forced inward, refocused, the earth is taking a breath and so are we. There is a lot we need to hold on to after this pandemic passes, and a lot we need to pray for and work for to get through it. I will remember a lot of frustrating, and hard, and worried times from this experience. But I hope I always remember the sweet and the slow with just as much clarity.

Home church is usually just me and a white board,
and taking something from Come Follow Me for Primary and turning it into
a white-board-only activity.
We do crafty and cooky and gamey stuff throughout our week.
But church just stays short and sweet and music/prayer/thoughts focused. Just works better for me.

I feel SO much better when I am ready, BUT...

Most of my COVID time is not getting ready anymore.
And honestly it's because my postpartum hair loss/hair texture/skin is throwing me for a loop.
I'm just putting this here because I feel strongly about never forgetting how hard postpartum life is
or how much work I put in to get my babies here. I know I'm going to forget, and that's good.
But sometimes I will find reminders like this,
and I'll remember a little extra that moms are awesome.

Waiting for my x-ray... I am still so annoyed at the irony of this wrist situation.

I've got three more cross stitch orders before I'm all caught up for the first time in a while.
This one made me really happy. I don't know the person that ordered it,
but she had so many details in mind that she wanted captured and those are always my favorite to plan and make.

Westin got his crew involved in our headstand efforts.

Figured I should warn them.

Oh Camden, why aren't you sleeping very well.

Anniversary dessert.
Cheesecake Factory wasn't carrying our favorite cheesecake that we always share on our anniversary
(Ironically named 30th Anniversary)
That would have made me really sad any other year but at this point in the game,
expectations are just set reallll low in life (in a good way) and I'm just content.

Kindergarten Zoom calls are a thing to witness.
I love Westin's sweet, always sweet, teacher.

Bennett is such a hard worker.

Moments alone with this cutie always feel stolen.
There's always some crazy big brothers nearby.

Getting in on our post-bedtime nights somehow...
Oh, Camden.

Michael forgot his pager one day when he was on call and asked me to let him know if anything came in.
We forgot it when we went on a walk and I wasn't even worried when I got home and realized it...
I'm just ready for this little beeper to go beep at someone else.
(But don't worry, I didn't miss a page.)

Another day, another bad sleep, another late night joining our show watching.

"You are such a nice mommy. Thank you for taking care of us. Love, Westin"
Melted. My. Heart. Plus the magnet heart.

Thank heavens for construction sites.
They are essential in more ways than one right now.

Looking so big out of his carseat and sitting facing front.

Celebrating the challah-day of the day we met and went to Jerusalem! Ten years ago.
This bread was such a treat. We were obsessed with it.
Tomorrow we're turning it into French toast!